Black Gay Men's Blog | A Blog For Black Gay Men

Do black gay men care enough about HIV and what role should we be playing in the fight against HIV and AIDS?

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Black Gay Men's Blog looks at homophobia in the Black Church and asks how black gay men balance their sexuality with homophobic teachings of our churches. Is it possible to lead a fulfilling life as both a christian and a black gay man?

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A retired black gay male escort tells a story of prostitution, crystal meth and alcohol addiction, anger, depression, AIDS, bareback sex and self-hatred.

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Black Gay Men and PrEp - would you take a pill to prevent you from contracting the HIV virus?

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The Robert Wesley Branch Show Discusses Black Men on the DL and HIV.

Are You My Hero?

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Posted by Rafael Solece on May 3rd, 2012

Black Gay Men’s Bog Contributor, Author, Rafael Solece discusses the need some black gay men have to find and be rescued by a hero. Like damsels in distress, some black gay men seem to be forever searching for that strong, perfect, financially secure, great in bed, hero to miraculously enter their lives and fix all their problems. Is the need to find a hero a harmless, romantic fantasy or can it get in the way of accepting and working on our own weaknesses? Shouldn’t more black gay men strive to be the heroes they desire, thereby rescuing themselves? Or is it okay to simply admit our weaknesses and wait to be rescued?

Are You My Hero?

I heard a friend once say to me: I want a knight in shining armor, someone who is going to ride in on his white horse, save me, and sweep me off my feet. Now I love a good fairytale with a happy ending but his statement made me pause for a moment. I do not know if it was because it was coming from him; a man who was by all standards a very strong and masculine gay black male. Or if it was because I had heard so many Black Gay Men say the same thing. Whatever the reason it got me to thinking about today’s gay black man: our expectations, our wants, our needs, and our faults.

Categories empowerment, relationships

Black Gay Men: Lust vs Family Values

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Posted by Storm on April 30th, 2012

advice: black gay men lust and family values

The Black Gay Men’s Blog advice column returns with a question about lust vs family values. Kordell is a 26 year old black gay male, who is attracted to his mother’s fiance. He admits to having an attraction and preference for the downlow and bisexual type, but finds himself torn between his lust for his mother’s man and not wanting to betray his mom (even though he thinks she might deserve it). It becomes quite clear that the issue is much deeper than lusting after his mother’s fiance. There are many layers to this story and Kordell comes to Black Gay Men’s Blog seeking advice, not just from me, but from all our readers.

Kordell asked for my honest opinion and that’s what he got, but he is just one of many black gay men facing similar dilemmas. At one point or another, we have all sacrificed a value or two, in the name of lust. So, while he certainly gets the tough love he asked me for, let’s all remember that most of use have been vulnerable and made a huge mistake, at least once. Not learning from said mistakes is the real issue. Growing up is not just chronological, it involves recognizing, learning from and discarding certain patterns. Hopefully, you guys will share your experiences and words of wisdom, so we can learn from one another.

Categories advice, empowerment, sex and dating, what would you do

Denial – The Silent Black Gay Killer

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Posted by Storm on April 22nd, 2012

black gay men and denial the silent killer

Black Gay Men’s Blog explores denial and the effect it has on the psychological, spiritual and physical well-being of black gay men. When one thinks about denial, as it relates to black gay men, it is easy to focus on accepting one’s sexuality and coming out. However, it runs much deeper than that. The purpose of this blog post is not to suggest that we all fly rainbow flags. This article aims to explore how not accepting the totality of who you are (and your current situation) can negatively impact one’s life. In my opinion, denial is a silent killer. A pandemic, which is devastating our community at much higher rates than HIV, diabetes, cancer and addiction. In fact, denial might just be the cause of some of the illnesses and issues ravaging the black gay community and the black community at large. Of course, denial affects us all, regardless of race, gender or sexuality, but as I always say, this is Black Gay Men’s Blog, so I am addressing black gay men.

Recent developments, over the last few months (while the blog was on hiatus), prompted the need to take a closer look at black gay men, denial and what it is doing to us. Of course, I am including black MSM in this too. It doesn’t matter what label you choose to give yourself. What matters is the fact that denying any of the following can have a negative, chronic or fatal impact on one’s life:

Categories empowerment, hiv and aids, sex and dating, sexuality

Negotiating Safer Sex In An Increasingly Raw World

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Posted by Storm on April 20th, 2012

black gay men negotiating safer sex in a raw world

Black Gay Men’s Blog is back – with a look negotiating safer-sex in an increasingly raw world. As black gay men of all ages are faced with rising expectations and demands for raw aka bareback sex, how do we negotiate what we really want sexually? Does “peer pressure” come into play, when it comes to deciding to have raw or safer sex? Is the fear of being alone a factor in our sexual decision making? Are black gay men truly pleasing themselves or others, when it comes to the decision to have raw or safer sex?

The issue of raw sex has certainly been discussed on Black Gay Men’s Blog before, so this is not a discussion about whether or not we are having more raw sex. Rather, I would like us to think about how true we are being to ourselves, when it comes to the decisions we make. What factors affect those decisions and how we can become better at negotiating safer-sex (if that’s what we want). On the flip side, maybe some of you are in long-term, committed relationships and would like to take the rubbers off. How do we negotiate that, while minimizing the risk?

Whether we like it or not, unprotected sex is definitely more visible and “acceptable” than it was, say 5 or 10 years ago. The word “freak” means something totally different today, than it did 5 years ago. So, next time someone asks you if you are a “freak”, will you know what they really mean? Will you be willing to ask exactly what they mean or will you be kicked out of some dude’s home at 3am, because you said you were a “freak”, but aren’t willing to have raw sex? Or will you find yourself allowing an unprotected penis to slip inside you, even if that wasn’t your plan for the night? I think it is time for us to put our judgments and denial aside and ask “Am I really getting what I want sexually? Am I going along with raw sex, knowing all the risks, simply out of a need to please or be wanted?”

Categories community, empowerment, sex and dating, sexuality

Black Gay Men’s Blog Returns

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Posted by Storm on March 2nd, 2012

Black Gay Men’s Blog will return with regular blog postings tomorrow.

I have had a lot of personal stuff going on the last couple of months, so apologies for any inconvenience caused.

Look forward to brining you more stuff and hearing from you guys.

Categories blackgaymensblog

Fighting Nigeria’s Anti-Gay Bill

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Posted by Storm on December 7th, 2011

Nigeria Anti-Gay Bill - Black Gay Men Fight Homophobia

Unless you have been living under a rock, you have probably heard that Nigeria’s senate recently passed a bill, the Nigerian Same Sex Marriage Bill 2011, making gay marriage a criminal offence, punishable by 14 years in prison. The Anti-Gay Bill, as it has been dubbed also seeks to punish supporters of gay marriage and anyone who officiates or is involved in said marriage, by 10 years in prison. As if that wasn’t bad enough, anyone found guilty of operating a gay club also faces 10 years in prison, without fine. The prison sentence also extends to those ”register, operate or participate in gay…organizations.” So, technically, if Black Gay Men’s Blog were in Nigeria, we could all be locked up for a very long time. The bill still has to be passed by Nigeria’s House of Representatives and signed by President Jonathan, before it becomes law, but many believe this is inevitable. Reactions from members and supporters of the LGBT community have been swift – on Monday, a small group of gay Nigerians led a peaceful protest outside the Nigerian Embassy in New York.
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Categories empowerment, homophobia, lgbt news, religion and spirituality, sexuality

Black Gay Incest & Abuse With A Twist Chez Johnson

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Posted by Storm on December 7th, 2011

The Strange Thing About The Johnsons - black gay incest and sexual abuse

Black Gay Men’s Blog has dealt with incest and sexual abuse in the past, but I have been meaning to get your reactions to this short movie, The Strange Thing About The Johnsons. I’m sure some of you have already seen it and I meant to post it on the blog a couple of weeks ago – better late than never. I really don’t want to say too much about it, for those, who haven’t seen this 29 minute short, directed by Ari Aster. It is disturbing, on a variety of levels and reactions to The Strange Thing About The Johnsons have been strong. It is about abuse and gay incest in an affluent African-American family. Some black people were mad, because it was directed by a non-black individual, some were mad at the parents of the boy at the beginning of the movie, some were mad because we really don’t have such things in our community.
Read More

Categories abuse, entertainment, sexuality

World AIDS Day Health Show – Tonight at 8pm

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Posted by Storm on December 1st, 2011

black gay mens' blog presents the HIV and AIDS health show on Papi Chulo Radio

Black Gay Men’s Blog and BMK (Brooklyn Men Konnect) are sponsoring the World AIDS Day Health Show, tonight at 8pm Eastern on Papi Chulo Radio. A panel of HIV activists and health care professionals get together to discuss HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. Panelists include, Kevin (Kaoz) Moore (Out Hip Hop Artist & HIV/AIDS Activist), yours truly aka Storm, Justin B. Terry Smith (HIV Activist/Author), Tree Alexander (National Speaker on HIV) and Dr Cary English(HIV/AIDS Specialist). The panel is moderated by Papi Chulo and Amore. If you can’t catch it tonight, be sure to check out the replays every Friday in December(starting tomorrow) at 7.30pm Eastern.

Categories empowerment, hiv and aids, hiv health and wellness, lgbt news

World AIDS Day – Get Tested and Remembering

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Posted by Storm on December 1st, 2011

World AIDS Day - black gay men get tested

As we all know, today is World AIDS Day and Black Gay Men’s Blog urges black gay and bisexual men and MSM to get tested. There is a lot of power in knowing your HIV status, it can save your life and prevent you from passing the virus on to others, in our already ravaged community. If you are nervous, call a friend and arrange to go together and support one another. There are testing centers all over the country, so there really is no excuse. If you don’t know where the closest center to you is, then you are in luck. Starting from today, to commemorate World AIDS Day, Get Tested ads, from the CDC, will be appearing on Black Gay Men’s Blog. It is a campaign targeting black gay men and MSM, so just enter your zip code and away you go!

Categories empowerment, health, hiv and aids, sex and dating

Black Gay Men’s Blog Reflects and Gives Thanks

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Posted by Storm on November 24th, 2011

Black Gay Men's Blog says thanks at Thanksgiving

Black Gay Men’s Blog wishes a Happy Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving weekend to all who celebrate it. By the time you read this, most of you would have finished stuffing your stomachs with turkey and all the trimmings. Many would have had a litle too much to drink and had the obligatory family holiday fights. For me, Thanksgiving marks the countdown to the end of the year and is a time to take stock and give thanks. We all talk about giving thanks on this day, but even though we utter the words, very few of us are truly thankful. At least, not all the other days of the year. I tend to get a little more introspective from Thanksgiving until the end of the year, so I thought I’d share a few words with you guys.

Categories blackgaymensblog, community, empowerment

Sexuality and Identity: Does Gay Sex Make One Homosexual?

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Posted by Storm on November 17th, 2011

The previous blog post about black gay and bisexual men seducing straight men prompted a lot discussion on Facebook and on Skype. I decided to start a separate dialog, because there was a lot of focus on whether or not a man could be considered straight if he has had gay sex. For me, the previous blog post had more to do with wanting someone, who was unattainable and lusting after straight men, who are often perceived as sexually superior, than whether or not straight men who might engage in gay sex are still heterosexual. The minute straight men are mentioned on Black Gay Men’s Blog, some of us immediately lose sight of the totality of the article and focus on whether or not straight men, who engage in gay sex can still be straight. So, I thought we could explore that here.

Personally, I do not believe that engaging in gay sex once makes a man(or woman) gay. I don’t believe sexuality is that clear cut – it all depends on the circumstances surrounding the sexual encounter. I am not suggesting homosexuality is a choice, but I think engaging in homosexual acts can be. Let me make one thing clear, I am not talking about repetitive, on-going sexual encounters or referring to those men, who might be in denial. I think that any man who has gay sex for a prolonged period of time, or has numerous male sexual partners is at the very least bisexual. Especially, if he does so when he has free access to women and the life of a loved one is not threatened. This is just my opinion and not the opinion of other contributors on Black Gay Men’s Blog. I have never claimed to be politically correct 100% of the time. Quite frankly, I prefer being thought-provoking and getting us to have some sort of dialog, than being politically-correct. I think some gay men are too quick to want to label anyone who has had homosexual sex as gay or no longer straight. Sexuality is simply not that black and white – not all sexual encounters define one’s sexuality. The label “gay” is a western concept and there are societies, in which that label doesn’t exist and others where the gender of one’s sexual partners is not as big a deal as it might be here in the USA. In those societies, “gay” is not a political statement and Black Gay Men’s Blog does have readers from all corners of the globe, so I try to look at things more broadly. We don’t have to agree, but we can respect and maybe learn from one another.

Categories sex and dating, sexuality

Black Gay Men and Seducing Straight Dudes

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Posted by Storm on November 17th, 2011

It’s advice time again at Black Gay Men’s Blog, as Zamo, a bisexual black male, needs help seducing his straight neighbor. Gay and bisexual men lusting after straight dudes is nothing new and as long as same sex attraction exists, there will be a black gay man(or in this case, bi black male) trying to get in the pants of some heterosexual male. Why Zamo thought I would be the one to ask for advice, when it comes to the art of seducing an uninterested straight male, is beyond me, but he frantically and disturbingly emailed me 6 times in the space of 24 hours. One would have thought he was going to drop dead – if he didn’t get to wrap his lips around the penis of this straight neighbor, who had clearly lost whatever fleeting interest/curiousity he previously might have had. Seeing as he asked for “tips”, I was in no rush to respond, but I received another email from someone else in a similar situation(lusting after a straight male colleague, who had made it clear he was heterosexual and not interested). I decided, we should talk about it on Black Gay Men’s Blog, using one of Zamo’s emails as the catalyst.

Categories advice, sex and dating

Black Gay Relationships In A Facebook World

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Posted by Storm on November 8th, 2011

black gay men - friendships and relationships in a socially challenged digital age

Black Gay Men’s Blog explores friendships, dating and relationships in this digital age of Facebook, Twitter and texting, which has left many of us socially challenged. It is quite ironic that with all the current means of communication, many black gay men have been left unable to and unwilling to communicate and socialize effectively in the real world. As the popularity of social network sites like Facebook and Twitter continue to explode, black gay friendships and relationships lose warmth and depth. Black gay and bisexual men are by no means the only ones affected by the digital age, everyone is – and it is not just “the young folks” either. However, the purpose of this article is to get us to look at what effects all the texting, tweeting and living on Facebook have on our friendships and relationships. Many black gay men(like a lot men in general) are not naturally blessed with the gift of effective communication. It is something one(hopefully) learns along the way, often as a result of failed friendships and relationships. As always, this is just my opinion and I am fully aware that the issues raised here affect other groups, not just black gay men(and we do have readers of all backgrounds and sexualities), but this blog targets black gay and bisexual men and MSM. So, feel free to substitute “black gay men” for whatever is most relevant to you or your life.

Categories community, empowerment, relationships, sex and dating

Black Gay Coming Out Story: Bisexual Dad

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Posted by Storm on November 1st, 2011

black gay coming out story - Shon and bisexual dad

Just wanted to share another Youtube coming out story with readers of Black Gay Men’s Blog. As we all know, coming out can be quite nerve wracking and should be done whenever the individual is ready, whether that is at a younger age or later in life. One of the concerns I often hear from black gay men about coming out, is the reaction of their fathers(for those who are close to or have present fathers), which was why I found this coming out story particularly interesting. The young man, Shon, had already come out to his mom and brother, when he was 12 – and heard the common speech, it a sin, it a phase etc. So, he got scared and decided to say he was straight after that. At 14, he came out to his dad, who didn’t really seem that bothered by the news. When asked why he didn’t seem that concerned, he dad revealed that he was bisexual. They talked about it and obviously everything worked out okay. At 16, he came out again to his mom, who gave him the same speech, but she also expressed concern about him getting bullied and not having kids. Shon, obviously, an intelligent young man, explained to her that he still wanted and intended to have kids. A couple of months after that, his sister came out as a lesbian.

Categories coming out, homophobia, other videos