When it comes to black gay men and online dating, there isn’t much aimed specifically at those who are looking for more than just sex. Most of the online dating sites black gay men frequent are pretty much internet versions of cruising grounds. I am sure some people still go to the parks, bushes, video stores and bathrooms, but nowadays even those who are not openly gay and would never visit a bar or club can access a gay sex site from their cell phones and hook-up for discreet casual sex. That works for some people and serves its purpose, but what about those black gay men, who want something more than just a casual hook-up, what about those who would rather date with a view to finding a partner for a long-term relationship? Black Gay Men’s Blog would like to introduce you to HeMeetsHim, a black gay owned online dating service for black gay men looking for something more than just sex.
Victor, the 26 year old black gay male, who founded HeMeetsHim, approached the blog and offered me a guest pass to check it out. I have to admit that initially I thought “here we go again, another sex site trying to pretend to be something else”. I mean, let’s not forget, A4A has a dating/relationship box, at least it did when last I visited and I’ve never been on BGC, but I’m sure it has a similar box. What struck me, while browsing the site, was that the profiles weren’t at all like what you would normally read. These guys seemed genuinely interested in developing friendships/relationships and actually finding that special someone. I immediately emailed Victor and told him I loved the concept, would like to do a brief interview with him and that I would probably be creating a profile on HeMeetsHim. I mean, I am single and available(hint, hint), so why not? We exchanged numbers and the brief interview below will give you a better idea about how the site came about, the target audience and the man behind the site.
- Storm: Victor, welcome to Black Gay Men’s Blog. I have to say, I really like what I saw on HeMeetsHim. Tell me, how did the idea for the site come about, what inspired you to start an online dating site for relationship oriented black gay men?
- Victor: Well, I’m 26 years old and have been in the lifestyle since I was about 18, but have never been been into the bars, clubs, drugs or party scene. I found it hard to meet people who were on the same wave length as me and then over the last couple of years, I’ve found it hard to sustain employment. So, I decided I wanted to start my own business, but wanted it to be something that would evoke some sort of social change. I had been having conversations with friends about how hard it was to meet people in this lifestyle, who weren’t just about sex and who wanted healthy relationships and so I started doing some research online(because everyone is online on social networking and dating sites), to see what was out there. I realized there was nothing for people like me, who aren’t solely sexually driven. All we have are the Adams, BGCs and Men4Nows – nothing really for those looking for relationships. With the high rates of HIV and STDs in our community, I think it is important to have another option, so we are not saying to young black gay men, that casual sex is all this lifestyle is about. And so HeMeetsHim was born.
- Storm: So how does HeMeetsHim differ from the other online dating sites, or to call it what it is sex sites, like A4A etc?
- Victor: It is very different. For one, it is a very exclusive community and when I say exclusive, it is not invite only, however the submissions as far as the photos and videos and comments are analyzed thoroughly, before being visible on the site. On other sites, you put a pic of whatever body part and go with the flow, on my site, that’s not happening. I’m not looking to compete with the larger sites, because I’m targeting a different crowd, so I would rather have quality over quantity. What’s most important to me is that the people on my site are interested in normalcy. When I say normalcy, what I mean by that is there is this stereotype that people in this lifestyle don’t want relationships, we don’t want longevity, we don’t want monogamy and that’s not true. The only difference between us and other people is that we like the same sex. We want the same things in life, we wanna be loved, we want relationships, we want monogamy, some of us want kids. So that’s how we are different from the other sites. If you want to hook-up, those sites will always be available, but if you want something solid and substantial, that’s where my site comes into play. I’m trying to target those who are looking to date and build and fall in love, that aspect of dating, not just the sex, but also intimacy, where there is an emotional connection to the other person.
- Storm: Based on the market research you did on Twitter and Facebook, do you think black gay men are hungry for something different? I mean, let’s call a spade a spade, we are always going to have the whores and the freaks, so do you think there is a real market for this kind of online dating service for black gay men?
- Victor: I think the demographic is very specific. I have a lot of older friends, who were around back in the 80s and 90s, when AIDS was taking everyone out. A lot of them are looking for something different. I think when you reach a certain age as a black gay man, sex isn’t all you are looking for. That is really the demographic I’m targeting – 30 and up. I’m only 26, but I think that when you get to a certain point in life, you start to realize that sex is meaningless without an emotional attachment and you start to realize that you want a relationship, that you want someone you can call a companion. I don’t think I can really target people in my age bracket the way I would want to, but it would be great if I can. That goes back to the whole social change thing. I think that we are accustomed to nothing but sex oriented lifestyle things, like sex shops and clubs and sex sites. But at the end of the day we are men and I think men are kinda driven by sex, but my hope is that I can attracted maybe some 30-50 somethings, or maybe even some in their late twenties. I have actually been surprised by the people who have joined so far, we launched about a week and a half ago and we already have a little over 200 members. My objective was to create a tasteful site, so that people would see it wasn’t your stereotypical gay sex or dating site and I think that has been reflected in the profiles. As you look at the text within the profiles, you see that people are tapping into their other side, the side that wants companionship.
- Storm: Yes, that’s what I saw and liked when I checked it out and that’s why I thought it would be a good idea to do an interview and write a little piece on it. I definitely got that it was different, that’s why I was like maybe I should put a profile on there. You never know, maybe I can find me a husband. (laughs).
- Victor: Yeah (laughs) go ahead! The other thing I’d like to say is my mission behind creating HeMeetsHim was to make it a premier dating site for black gay men. When I say premier dating site, I mean like Match.com, eHarmony, BlackPeopleMeet – premier dating sites that attract people who are genuinely looking for relationships and dating. Another difference between my site and other sites is that there is a membership or subscription, you can choose between 1 month, 3 months, 6 months or unlimited and the fee is minimal compared to the features that you are exposed to. It is not a recurring fee, which means you don’t have to cancel every month, you pay for however long you choose. A lot of people ask me well why didn’t you make it a totally free site and one of the reasons was that I felt that if it was free, I would not be able to monitor the traffic. I would not be able to weed out those who are really only there for sex. I feel like when people are exposed to a premier subscription site, they value the site in a different light. Also I won’t deny that I want it to be successful financially, this is a venture that I have worked very hard on and I hope it pays off.
- Storm: So that people understand, it is free to join and then there are premium features which require a subscription. I think it is a good idea, because I think the people who pay for the premium features aren’t going to be there just to hook-up, they can get that for free on A4A. If What premium features do you offer?
- Victor: I decided to create features to make the site more interactive and also justify a premium subscription. There’s a blog section, where members can voice how they feel about certain topics, there are private video sessions, if someone is online you can instant message them and have a chat with them via cam, Skype or audio, there are chat forums, where members can create their own rooms and talk about topics of interest to them. There are lots of interactive features and I plan on adding more, as the site grows that will enable people to get to know each other and meet. Even if it’s not for dating, if you just want to meet friends with similar interests or network, this is the site for you. This is for distinguished quality men, who are secure about themselves, who know what they want and who want to meet people who have similar interests. That’s really the foundation of it.
- Storm: I think that about covers it all. I am always glad to see black gay men creating solutions, instead of just complaining or being part of the problem. You found a niche that you didn’t think was being well served and decided to do something about it. I like that and who knows, maybe we’ll all find our men at HeMeetsHim. I hope it is a great success and Black Gay Men’s Blog will support you in whatever way we can and hold that space for my profile!
- Victor: Thank you very much Storm!
To say I was impressed by Victor would be an understatement. I was totally blown away by him, it is so refreshing to talk to a young black gay man who has his head on his shoulders and is a leader, not a follower. After the interview, we ended up chatting for 2 more hours on the phone and I wish this young brother all the success in the world. I know some of you think that everything on the internet should be free, but you get what you pay for. The reality is that nothing of quality on the internet is free – someone is paying somewhere, so why shouldn’t black gay men support a brother providing us a much needed service? I think it is great to have this online dating option for black gay men looking for relationships. If all you are interested in is hooking-up, then you will continue going to the other sites and more than likely, continue complaining about black gay men only wanting sex, not being about much etc. You will continue to waste hours of your lives going back and forth on A4A with messages that never amount to much. Tonight, in cities all over the world, many black gay men will fall asleep with their laptops by their sides, waiting for the buzz that signifies a new message on A4A and the possibility of mindless sex. Many of us – bored, lonely and addicted to that A4A buzz, will repeat the process all over again day in, day out – and complain about the lack of quality black gay men. We all need sex sometimes, but we don’t all need just sex all the time. If that does it for you, knock yourselves out. For those looking for more substance and the opportunity to connect with relationship oriented men, we now have a black gay owned dating option, which Black Gay Men’s Blog urges you to support HeMeetsHim.
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Will definitely be checking this out. We need something different and I hope Victor sticks to his vision. There are enough hook-up sites and I’d rather give my money to a black gay owned dating site.
Good day gentlemen , I have to commend this young man for what is trying to do, it is indeed rare these days find a young man with this insight and foresight .this man needs our support in this sort endeavor, he has learned what, we, men of a certain age have learned over time ,so come on guys, I know there are a lot of men that really need this right now. thank you for letting me sound off. peace !
Good idea and kudos to Victor! Most of us sit around and complain without doing anything about it. We need to support ventures like this that are actually needed. Nice to know there are some young black gay men out there making positive moves!
Long overdue – good luck with it Victor, we need more like you! Not all of us are only interested in casual sex, some of us do want to settle down and build with another black man. This is just what we need.
I love this!!!
I just want to wish you the best of luck with HeMeetsHim. I agree that this is long overdue and applaud you for targeting mature brothers instead of the usual oversexed men out here. I will definitely spread the word to all my friends that are interested in joining.
At last, a relationship-oriented dating site option. I’m loving the fact that it is black gay owned too – we need to support one another!
Victor, thanks for putting this together and Storm, thanks for sharing it with us!
Maybe I’ll finally find a man lol coz I gave up on sites like a4a 3 years ago. Yeah, they serve their purpose, but now there’s a site to serve my needs.
I read this article with great interest. I’m a black man, who loves black men and wants a long-term committed relationship. Finding one is like finding a pebble at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.
HeMeetsHim sounds like a great idea and I will check it out. However when I went to the site, the opening page sure does seem to be selling sex. The big image (that you’ve reposted on your blog) has two bare-chested young men and many of the profile pictures at the bottom of the page seem to look a lot like other hook-up sites we’ve seen.
Perhaps he needs to police the type of pictures people post more diligently in order to set the proper tone and get people out of the same old thinking.
Might actually say more about you. The same picture said intimacy to me, but sex to you. Besides, whether we like it or not, men are visual. Maybe if/when you go beyond the first page and join, you’ll find that unlike other hook-up sites, there are no nude pics etc. How much policing do you want him to do? We need to stop sexualizing everything – why can’t a bare chest just be a bare chest – beautiful to look at, but not indicating a desire for sex on the part of the subject in the picture?
I love this. What a becoming black man to come up with such a fantastic yet simple and well needed concept. He nailed the site also. It is very classy. I disagree with the last comment. I view the picture on the home page as one of artistic expression denoting gay black love. We have been conditioned to think sex for so long that we don’t even know how do I differentiate art from sex. After all , he can only police so much. We are men and we do like skin and body. As long as there aren’t any porno adds and vile language in the profiles, I am satisfied. By the way, I just joined! Kudos to you Victor. I predict this will be big!
It is so refreshing to see a young Black Bruh who had a vision, then did the required legwork for statistics, believed in his vision, stuck to it, and walla.. just look at the reward for hard honest visionary work! Congrats and will be checking it out…
Ok, Jermaine. If you look at the pictures on HeMeetsHim and then look at the pictures on A4A, tell me what the difference is?
Just because you “say” you’re a different website, doesn’t mean anyone who visits will get that impression when they go there. And stop generalizing. We *aren’t* all visual creatures. Some of us are more spiritual and intellectual and want to connect with men on a level beyond sex, and we’re tired of the guys who only have that to sell. That was the point of my first comment. Brothas need to get beyond just the body pictures and learn to share what’s in their head and their heart.
I get what you are saying J.Q. but to be fair, there is a HUGE difference b/w the pictures on HeMeetsHim and a4a and that difference can be summed up in one word – “clothes”. The pictures on the homepage rotate, so maybe when you visited there happened to be a high ratio of shirtless pics, if you refresh the page, you’ll see that they rotate. Most of the profiles on the site do not have shirtless pics and nude pics are not allowed. I don’t think it is fair at all to make such statements, without looking at the whole picture. I also just checked the “Who’s New” section in the members area, which also rotates – each time, I got just 1 out of 16 shirtless – hardly comparable to a4a.
Some of us are spiritual and intellectual, but at the end of the day, he is still also trying to run a business, which provides a needed service. If the picture used in this blog post(which says intimacy to me also) is of 2 shirtless brothers, but it brings people to this article and a handful say “you know what, maybe I need to try something different”, then I don’t see it as a bad thing. He does intend on having a photographer shoot images which can be used for promotions etc.
It is a brand new business, things take time, things cost money. Give the brother a chance. What we need to be doing is supporting him and giving constructive criticism from the site(as members), so that it grows to become what we want it to be.
Trust me, I am all for brothers sharing what’s in their heads and hearts, but just because a brother might have a pic of himself shirtless(which might just be a bad habit of a lifetime), doesn’t mean he can’t also be spiritual, intellectual, or have a heart to share. Spirituality is a journey, we are all at different stages and there should be room for us all.
When it comes to business, you also have to balance all that with marketing. All, I am saying is let’s be fair!
I dont see why shitless pics should be a problem, i for one love my man to have a nice sexy chest. doesnt mean i want to see his whole naked body or w**k over it or sum’in. A pic with only trousers on would do for me,…basically its all down to the individual,not everybody who sees a guy in speedos and admires it is looking for sex!! the gay community is large,different people with different taste, i met(in reality) a gay guy who said he was “asexual” and i just had to lol a bit. but yeah the shirless pics shouldnt connote any kind of “want sex” image.
I just signed up for this site, but I feel like it might be a scam. I created a profile and was ready to search for people in my area, but you can’t even view a profile without getting a warning that you need to upgrade your service. What dating site makes it so you have to pay just to view profiles? I’m not talking about sending messages — I can understand paying for that. But paying $20 and up just to view profiles? No thanks.
One of my single friends want to know if the site is mobile?
OK…Just learned that your dating site is no different than the others as you’re asking for money to use many of the features that are free on the so-called hook-up sites that you’re said you’re so different from. I really hate bait and switch tactics, which is exactly what you’ve done.
I don’t think it’s a bait and switch tactic but more of a better way of picking out the genuine from the wannabees. No one is going to invest money into something they aren’t truly serious about.
To Everyone,
HeMeetsHim.com team appreciates all of your continual positivity and feedback on HeMeetsHim. We created something innovative and unorthodox. Our community has never had an “actual” dating site so I am glad to see that our vision is being perceived well. I plan on keeping the website very exclusive as part of my vision. It is a must, considering the unfortunate reality that the online dating scene has largely been taken over by sex crazed individuals. It is imperative that we reassure our member community that their information is safe and the remainder of the population is conducive to what the site represents. Also, we live in an era where scammers have begun to take over dating sites and many other sites as well. By keeping the site extremely exclusive and limited to Premium members, you ultimately avoid scammers and others who aren’t seeking the same goals as you, from seeing your profile content or enlarging your photos, copying them and reusing them on other sites. The member slideshow is designed to give you a peak into our exclusive community. Membership has been growing so rapidly. We look forward to the continual feedback and hope to have you come join our community soon!
HeMeetsHim.com Team
In for real luv.
I guess I must have missed the most popular memo ever sent out to black gay men. You know, the one where everything in life is free. JEEZ! Some of y’all can be some moaning, complaining-azz mofos.
unclefletch – it ain’t for EVERYBODY, u don’t like it stay on the hook-up sites and keep doing the same thing. It was made very clear it was a premium/premier dating site.
Edwin – how is charging for a service a scam? OK, maybe searching and viewing profiles should be allowed, but that doesn’t make it a scam. I don’t know what is and what isn’t, I just joined and paid. Why not try sending a suggestion from the site, instead of using words like scam.
This is why it is so hard for us to get ahead – this cheap/free mentality. Honestly, I don’t want the kind of people who think $13 a month(if you choose the 3 month option) is too much to pay on the site. If you think $13 a month is too much, then I probably don’t wanna date you anyway, because you are likely to study the check after dinner and argue over who ate and drank what. Either that, or you would have conveniently forgotten your wallet etc. So, PLEASE keep some sort of fee. I want people who have paid.
Those of you complaining will happily go to a white owned gay bar or club(even if it might be black night), dressed in your $100 sneakers(which you didn’t get from a black owned store) and spend $40 on liquor. Yet, you complain about paying $13/month towards the possibility of finding love and happiness and at the same time supporting a black gay owned business.
Change your mindset or please STAY AWAY, I don’t want you there. I have more important things to do with my time than to arrange dates with someone who thinks like that. GTFOH!!!
No, I do NOT work for the company and I don’t know the brother who owns it. I’m just sick and tired of this poverty mentality among black people.
Y’all can go hug up on your damn sneakers!
Hello to all. Just for clarification, you can indeed search profiles as a Standard member. Simply search using the Quick search option on the home page, or use the Advance search option to search for members in your area as well as search for members based on certain criteria. Will you have full access to profiles? No. Actually, this was a request by our Premium members. They feel it is not fair to give full access of their profiles to members that do not have the ability to communicate on the site. Ultimately, we design our site around the feedback given to us by our members. As far as being a scam, we do not collect any personal information on our site. Should you choose to upgrade, you are routed to Pay Pal, the most secured payment processor in the world. Our membership pricing is gravely cheaper than most premier dating sites. $19.95 for one month, $13 a month for 3 months and $10 a month for 6 months. The great thing is, membership is non recurring. You are not bind to your membership. In other words, navigate at your discretion and use subscription freely, without the worry of having to cancel your subscription when it is up to prevent from being re billed. Our interactive features nor our population of quality black men are offered on casual encounter sites. As the previous commenter indicated, we are a Premier/Exclusive Dating website. Ultimately, our service is not for everyone and we understand that. However, we are here to offer a service that is not offered anywhere on the internet, to those seeking something substantial. Our membership has been rapidly climbing. We also offer a similar service for Black Lesbian women, so share with your beautiful black lesbian friends as well. Their dating venue is http://www.SheMeetsHer.com. We hope to welcome you to our community soon!
HeMeetsHim.com Team
Initial thoughts;
I Love it.
This. Could. Be. Huge.
Because of the desperate need, I think SheMeetsHer is going to be the bigger site, but both are gamechanging.
Victor, where are you based?
@SeanTee – damn right! Say no to cheap dates/people! I co-sign your whole comment.
I just signed up for the site. It is exactly what I’m looking for. I wish it had more features as a free user. I don’t feel comfortable paying yet since I am the only one in my state that uses it. Great but limited idea.
I tried to join the site and was ready to use it, but you can’t even browse profiles without first paying at least $19.99 a month. If you’re really trying to offer something different and more positive to gay black men, why not make it free like practically all the other sites? $20 a month is definitely a stretch. Probably not very many members if everyone has to pay.
I think your question has already been answered above by HeMeetsHim – it’s a premium dating site. Last time I checked you could browse profiles with the free account, but I might be wrong. Edited to say: I am wrong.
Well, after joining I tried to click on profile names and received a prompt that straight up told me I would have to pay premium to even see the profiles. That’s kind of ridiculous IMHO. I canceled. I saw the reply the site gave. Even that says you have to pay to see profiles, something about the members wanting to keep things exclusive and that’s the reason for the charge to view. I don’t get it; the members came up with the idea to charge themselves $20 a month? Something about that doesn’t sound right.
I’m just giving an honest review of my experience trying to use the site, seems like a gimmick. I felt like I was being duped into signing up for something that I couldn’t use (without my credit card). There’s nothing that implies it’s a pay site until you try to use it. While I don’t mind paying a reasonable rate, for a site that’s just beginning and that probably doesn’t even have that many members (another factor unknown to the free user), $20/month is too much.
I’ve joined other gay sites free of sex ads and the encouragement to just hook up that catered more to gay white men. Those sites allow their users to use all standard features you would expect on a social site completely free of charge. Why does one that supposedly caters to black men charge a steep fee?
Everything is not for everybody, as they say. I see nothing wrong with a premium dating site, those who don’t like it won’t join, which works for me. I do agree that non-premium members should be able to browse profiles etc. I am sure if/when enough people bring this up, it will be changed, the site is new.
BTW since when was $20 or $13 a month steep? You can’t even have a night out on that, but black gay men go out all the time. Why do we always want everything to be free?
Never suprises me when as a black man to be inspired by my fellow brother to creat and change the mind set we allow ourselves to be defined by. I love the HEMEETSHIM idea. Its overdue and frankly in need more so than ever. Its a niche market and I hope all is successful with this venture. I scamed over the replies some seemed redundant and with that I dont waste time. However, I do think holding a fee of some sort eliminates alot of the garbage WE (black gay men) put out and expect. I think the perception of OUR community is so sex filled we forget that sex without emotions is just that; a quicky, unfulfilled and so tired. Relationships are very beautiful and relationships with people not computers and iphones is something that can be lost if not put in check. Thus finding something that works (HEMEETSHIM) is something that I hope can begin to change single track mind of 4 SEX ONLY.