The Black Gay Men’s Blog advice column, Ask Storm, kicks off with a letter from Wes, a 26 year old black gay male living in Oakland, who has been dating a guy for a month and is worried about disclosing his HIV positive status. I have received quite a few letters seeking advice already, but chose to publish this one first, because it is something a lot of black gay men have to deal with, even if we don’t talk about it. Getting back into the dating game can be quite daunting for the HIV positive individual. It is common for some to totally withdraw from the dating scene and stop having sex, because they see themselves as damaged goods and fear rejection. When to disclose is a question asked by HIV positive people of all races, but as black gay men(in the United States) the fear is very real. The stigma of being HIV positive is still a major issue in the black community, which is ironic given the stats. The decision to disclose to potential love interests or sex partners is a very personal one and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Once you have uttered those words, I am HIV positive, you can’t take them back. The more understanding we are, as black gay men, about how difficult it is for some brothers to disclose, the easier it will become for us to have honest dialog. I would like to use this opportunity not just to address Wes’ concerns, but also to make us all think. What would you do if the guy you have been dating told you he was HIV positive? Is it a deal breaker? Would your decision be based on emotion and irrational fear or facts? Would you ditch the greatest man you ever met because of his HIV status?
Dear Storm,
I am a 26 year old black gay male in Oakland, CA and I need some advice on how to deal with the situation I’m in. I’ll try and make it brief. I have been HIV positive for 2 years, but really only started dealing with it a year ago. The first year was a mixture of shock and denial and I basically went to work, came home drank, smoked blunts and locked myself away. Hardly any socializing, no sex etc. About a year ago, I started slowly dealing with my HIV status, went to the doctor, got on meds etc. I started to accept that I was HIV positive and would have to deal with it for the rest of my life. One thing I definitely wasn’t looking forward to was dating and having the HIV talk.
Anyways, about a month ago I went to a spoken word event and met this sexy-azz brother. It was instant chemistry and we were both very comfortable with each other, like old friends or something. We went for drinks after the event and then he asked me back to his place. We were having such a great time, convo flowing, lil buzz going and I hadn’t felt so good in so long. The minute we kissed, it was over, I was like a thirsty mofo, hungry to be touched, like I had come alive again and the next thing I knew we were naked having hot sex. As much as I hadn’t been touched for ages, he wanted me just as much and there was no awkward first time sex, which sometimes happens – it all just flowed.
We have been seeing each other, getting to know each other and we’ve had sex five more times since. We are really feeling each other, get on great and have been pretty inseparable etc. I know I should have told him, but it all happened so fast and each day that passes it gets harder. I am so scared of losing him. We have never had the HIV conversation, which I find kinda weird, he is 32. We always use condoms apart from once when we were both very drunk and high on weed and he entered me raw. I freaked out and after about 2 minutes and he put a condom on. We flip-flop, but he has topped me more, coz I ‘m so paranoid about topping him even with a condom without him knowing my status. My viral load is undetectable by the way.
I am so terrified of losing him coz I feel he could be the one. How do I handle this without ruining everything and losing him. I have to tell him soon, coz I’ve already started acting weird and moody – the guilt is killing me, but I know how black gay men can be when it comes to HIV.
Please help!
Wes in Oakland.
Dear Wes,
As you have found out, being HIV positive adds an extra layer to the already complicated dating game. When to disclose is a very personal decision and varies from individual to individual. There is no one size fits all, but as a general rule, I always advice people to disclose before getting naked – especially black gay men. Of course, this does not mean you have to go around telling every stranger you have just met that you are HIV positive. I am talking about dating here, not casual hook-ups. For casual hook-ups, I think we all need to assume that everyone is HIV positive and as long as you are practicing safer-sex, I don’t think anyone really expects you to tell some guy, whose name you don’t know that you are HIV positive. Many might not agree with me, but I just don’t see that as practical and it is not going to happen any time soon. Disclosure and anonymous casual sex don’t often go hand in hand.
As far as dating is concerned, that is something entirely different. I think if you are getting to know an individual with the view to establishing something more long-term, it is just good practice to disclose before you have sex. By sex, I mean the real definition of sex – oral, anal and any other kind of sexual contact involving the genitals, not the Clinton definition. If anything hard is being pulled out of boxers, briefs, shorts or pants, I think it is best to have had the HIV talk. A lot of black gay men are still quite ignorant, when it comes to HIV and are more likely to respond from an emotional, rather than logical place, if any nakedness has ensued prior to disclosure. The use of phrases like “the beast” and “the package” in our community only fuel such ignorance, so disclosing after you have already gotten naked can be quite dangerous and lead to violence, in some cases. Especially, if bodily fluids have been exchanged. With all this raw sex going on, it is also important to note that it is illegal in some US States to knowingly infect someone with the HIV virus.
Sadly, in your case, it is already too late. You have already crossed that line. I am not going to judge you, because it takes two and we have all made mistakes, or been led by the head in our pants, instead of the one on our shoulders, at one point or another. However, I will say that I get tired of hearing the “I couldn’t help myself” and “it just happened” type excuses. One thing that separates humans from beasts, is our ability to make rational decisions, based on certain social standards and norms. With regards to you and lover-man, what’s done is done. Now, you HAVE to tell him ASAP and expect the worst. If his reaction is favorable, then you would have lucked out, but don’t count on it. The longer you delay telling him, the more it makes you look like you are trying to infect him and you can’t be trusted. Without trust, there is no relationship. Yes, your viral load is undetectable, which reduces the risk and yes the one time you guys slipped up, he penetrated you, which still poses a risk, but not as risky as if it were the other way around. You guys obviously enjoy cocktails and herbal supplements, so it could quite easily happen again. Sit him down, preferably when sober(although he might need a drink afterwards) and tell him you are HIV positive. He was there when you both had sex, so he knows it was all in the heat of the moment, but don’t count of him being reasonable or rational. He might be enraged, he might be terrified, he might be both. More likely than not, he will need some time to digest the information. Give him as much time as he needs.
If he is HIV negative(and for all we know he is positive too) and decides he can deal with a sero-discordant relationship(one poz, one neg), online forums such as the POZ aka AIDSMEDS Forums can be a great resource. There are other couples there going through the same thing and you both can learn a lot more about HIV transmission, the difficulties of disclosure, sero-discordant relationships etc. Before you have the talk with him, I suggest you do as much reading as you can, so that you can answer any questions he might have. If it turns out that he is also HIV positive, don’t assume that means everything is going to be okay. Not all HIV positive individuals are ready to have a relationship with another HIV positive person. Some can deal with it, if it is not spoken about, but once it is out in the open issues like their own mortality and the possibility of having to be a carer at some stage, can make it all a bit too daunting.
Whatever the outcome, you need to learn from this experience. I’m glad you are back out there and dating, but why put yourself through the heartache over and over again? You are now HIV positive, you now have the responsibility of disclosure on your shoulders. This means changing old patterns. Yes, we all need sex, but when you are trying to do the long-term relationship thing, I would advise you not to get naked before disclosure. It is back to old school dating – see if there is a comfort level and if the guy is really worth it, before you make yourself vulnerable and disclose. Telling each and every date your status is not advisable, so I wouldn’t do it on the first date, unless it just feels right(maybe you can tell the other guy is positive too and you want to get it out of the way). Oakland is not that big – hold back on the sex and disclose when you feel comfortable. If he is the right one for you, he will stick around, but expect many to run. There is still a lot of work that needs to be done in the black gay community(here in the USA), when it comes to our attitudes towards HIV. The truth is that most black gay men have had sex with someone positive, given the stats among black gay men in the US. Unfortunately, that does nothing to end the ignorance and the stigma. Don’t expect freaks to be any better either – the same brother who hooks up with 3-5 men a week, has been to his fair share of raw sex parties and hasn’t been tested in years will still talk about someone having “the beast”. Sadly, ignorance, hypocrisy and denial still reign supreme in our community.
Good luck with lover-man, I hope it works out for the two of you and if not, you would have learned something. Luckily for you, there are some decent progressive black gay men in the Bay Area, so if it doesn’t work out, adapt a new dating strategy and be honest with future love interests before getting naked. In the meantime, you can always get yourself a maintenance man to satisfy those cravings. It has helped some HIV positive brothers to maintain a clear distinction between casual sex encounters and those you want to date and get to know. Never get naked with the latter before disclosing your HIV status. We have been living in in the age of PEP(Post-Exposure Prophylaxis) for quite a while now and now PrEP(Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) is very much a reality, though not yet widely available, it soon will be. PrEP might be a game changer for sero-discordant couples, so it is important that we have honest dialog with our potential partners. By not disclosing your status, you take away the choices now available to reduce the risk of HIV infection and that’s just not fair.
Let us know how you get along and once again, Good Luck!
Storm
Need straightforward advice? The Black Gay Men’s Blog advice column, Ask Storm, is now open and taking your letters. If something is weighing you down, whether it is love, relationships, sex, health, family, finance or whatever, I want to hear from you. Send in your letters from the Ask Storm page, using the form and we will let you know if your letter is going to be published on the blog. The more info you give, the better the response will be. Please try not to use expletives and letters which other readers might benefit from stand a better chance of being published. By sending in your letters, you just might be helping another black gay man or someone else out there.
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Wes please let us know the outcome. Hope u guys can work it out. If not, in future, please give others the option. Anything else I would have said was already covered in the article.
Storm, I really enjoy this blog – always makes me think, very stimulating.
I agree that we still have a long way to go, in terms of our attitudes towards HIV. Most European countries seem to have a healthier attitude.
I am open to dating any wonderful man, who makes me laugh and stimulates my mind, body and soul. The pickings are slim, when it comes to quality, so I decided just over a year ago I had to be open to being in a sero-discordant relationship. My best friend is positive and the information from him and watching his dating struggles definitely helped for my opinion. Will certainly consider PrEP for the right man/relationship. I think it would help with some of the sex related worries.
I’m not saying it is an easy decision to date someone positive if you are negative, but if everything else fits, I say go for it.
Wes, yes he might freak out, but you are BOTH in the wrong, not just you. Why is a 32 year old black gay man trying to build a relationship without the HIV talk? However this ends, you both would have learned something. The stigma in the African-American community is still huge and many of us act so ignorant when it comes to HIV. Black gay men need to get educated and get it together. We’ve all had sex with HIV positive men, whether we like it or not.
I BELIEVE IT IS HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE TO TELL THE TRUTH..BUT, I BELIEVE YOU MUST TELL THE TRUTH..IF YOU REALLY CARE TO KNOW AND LOVE THE PERSON YOU MEET YOU MUST BE UPFRONT AND REAL..THIS IS LIFE..NOT A GAME..YOU HAVE TO BE A PERSON WHO DOESN’T WANT TO HARM ANYONE…IF YOU CAN’T RESPECT PEOPLE..YOU NEED TO STAY BY YOURSELF…REAL TALK..
As difficult as it is, the irony is that it will only get better if and when we have more disclosure in the black gay community. We need to love ourselves and fellow black gay men enough to share the truth with them. Yeah, many are ignorant when it comes to HIV, but you probably shouldn’t be dating those types. We need to wake up and start being HONEST and REAL.
Wes, good luck to you man! Somehow I feel it will all work out. Have you had to hide your meds? What I mean is he might even have seen them, hell you two might be on the same meds. Black gay men can be so bad when it comes to talking about certain things. If it doesn’t – next time, DISCLOSE before you ejaculate!
Keep us posted!
I just want to say Good-luck Wes. Not judging you but I think that the moment there was any hint of seriousness going on between you two the talk should have been had, especially since you two have progressed from casual acquaintance to dating.
If it’s genuine I expect him to forgive you and the two of you can move forward but I do want you to be prepared for his anger.
Interesting, informative article and I like the new advice column idea – might need some myself soon.
Wes, just tell that man. The worst thing that can happen to you is that he leaves you. The worst thing that can happen to him is that u both get extremely high on ur “cocktails and herbal supplements”(lol) and you infect him. How would you live with yourself?
Don’t get me wrong, he is to blame too, Mr Raw Dawg!
Do it TODAY!
I’ve been living with HIV 11yrs, I have always disclosed when meeting someone whom I wanted to get to know better. If you’re gonna date, I feel it’s not only fair to disclose to them in the beginning, it’s also a sign of respect. Telling someone after they’ve started to have feelings for them is unfair, as you’ve taken away their choice. I agree that when it comes to casual sex, one should assume that everyone is POZ, it’s the safest attitude to have. I hope you as well as others have learned from this and I hope that things do turn out well for you. However, be prepared for any and all reactions…there’s no right or wrong way to react to news like that.
Same thing happened to me and I flipped out on dude, so be prepared for anything. Yeah it takes 2, but we are so conditioned to react a certain way. Hindsight is a SOB coz now I wish I hadn’t punched him in the face and I ain’t met anyone even close to the kind of man he was and what we coulda had. Still, all the drama would never had happened if he had disclosed b4 sex. I was mad wrong for hitting him coz I pressured him into sex the one time it happened. You never know how people are gonna react when u tell them after sex. Ignorance breeds fear!
This subject is for me a big sticky bush of dilemma when you get past the intellectual discourse.After many years(20) of living poz, I’ve had many encounters with men for sex,for dating, and relationships. I don’t care to be exposed to another strain of HIV so while I don’t ask or disclose,I do try and teach the merit of assuming everyone is poz and practicing safer sex. I am continually surprised how many men are clueless on how this works.I also have a policy of NOT lying if directly asked of my status,it’s only honorable to answer truthfully. When I am connecting sexually, I lighten the mood by humorously suggesting that I do not f-ck on the first date(which is true btw).
If and when there might be an emotional connection forming, I continue to feel there is no obligation to disclose until it’s apparent that BOTH parties are feeling the attraction and it’s beginning to solidify with more time. During the early dating, exploration is a healthy and normal occurence where you begin to share ideas,values, and the ‘fit’ between the two parties.When sufficient time has occured, we usually know if there is a genuine interest between people. Again, if asked, I always tell the truth,no matter where we are, I never lie. When I disclose, it’s always done with sensitivity in quiet moments in private,usually after a great date.
I’ve had relationships that were of matching sero status and discordant status.All but one of the discordant relationships were successfull well beyond the disclosure.The one failure was frankly when I went against my gut and revealed in public during dessert/coffee after a great date.It was not pretty. On the other side,my favorite relationship was sealed on the first meeting when we hugged and he asked my status and without hestitaion I responded yes I am. He looked right into my eyes and responded,”the only thing that matters to me is how immediately authentic your response was”, followed with another long hug.
I take away the lesson that disclosure should of course be honest if asked.I don’t want a relationship built on lies and deciet. I think we all have secrets we are allowed to keep until we’re reasonably sure that there is something real to be cherished. If someone is unable to digest and accept an important secret, it might be a sign the relationship was not meant to be. Honesty usually works to strengthen two people,give it a chance.
I agree 100% with Storm, I think his response / view / opinion was perfect and spot on.
In response to what would I do if someone I was dating later informed me he was positive. I’d walk immediately (even if I had to cry for year doing so, not because of the HIV but because I would feel he’d been dishonest by not telling me upfront and I’d never be able to trust him again.
A good & beautiful relationship without trust will never go anywhere
Disclosure is extremely important when dating/getting to know. I agree with Storm, I don’t expect it with casual encounters – you just have to assume everybody is positive.
I can understand that it might be difficult to disclose, but you owe it to that individual. The longer you leave it the less likely it is that he will be able to stay with you.
Let’s fight the stigma and promote honesty!
I live in DC and just found out that I was Hiv+ in September so it’s been less than a year for me. But, I normally tell people on about the 2nd date. I definitely tell them before we are in anyway sexual.
Some of us forget that at some point we were all Hiv- and had the same fears/feelings that our counterparts have- you have to do what’s right for you- but at the end of the day anyone that your investing your time and energy in wither it be a bootycall/ anoymous encounter/potential date- has the right to know and choose what works best for them- I know for me the person who “gave it” to me didn’t give me that choice and I don’t want to put someone else in that predictament.
At the end of the day man love yourself and remember that you’re more important than the rejection or fear that someone else may try to inflict upon you.
Knowledge is power and at the end of the day love is a choice.
I hope your able to make the decision that works best for you.
I just recently deal with this recently with a guy whom admitted he was H.I.V. positive I began to talk with on a regular. Although I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment, I haven’t discounted him as a potential because he seems like a decent guy overall and enjoy his conversation.
Now on the story above, Wes is wrong for not disclosing to his friend about his status. The least he could have done is provide them the knowledge if you guys are heading towards a relationship. I’m not going to judge but this is a messed up situation.
I find out a year ago i was HIV+ and i have not dated anyone since finding out. i am still trying to deal with this. i feel that i am damaged goods. I keep asking myself why me? i try not to thinking about it but i know this will never go away.
i have told some of my close friends and they told me it doesn’t change how they feel towards me.i want to tell my best friend, he is straight but i just don’t know how.i don’t think he will stop being my friend but i am afraid to take that chance. i try to tell him but i just cant, i feel so nasty and no one will ever want me,
Hey Martin,
As fast as it seems, I have been HIV Poz for 11 years now.
You are still dealing with it the way you know how. I know I was going through it for the first 2 months and it got better for me after that. There’s no definite time line so I can’t say when, but you can get through it my brutha.
I’m talking to a brutha right now and I told him my status within 2 days. I was scared, but he said he was okay with it and wanted to continue talking with me. It’s now 2 and half months later and we’re still talking and into each other.
Please don’t give up on yourself. And you’re certainly NOT damaged goods. Your HIV status doesn’t define the totality of you, MARTIN.
Be qool and much LOVE, Martin. (((HUG)))
Interesting post! All I have to add is that there is a legal obligation for disclosure.
Having said that, Everyone is responsible for there own life. Just because a person say they are negative doesn’t mean they are. My view is if you are concerned about contracting HIV or any STDs you should ALWAYS be having safer sex.
If you tell ALL your sex partners they MUST wear a condom to kick it with you and you take heed of all safe precautions there is no need for disclosure. You both are wearing condoms.
Yes at some point you would have a need to be tested, share the written results if you want a closed relationship. Reason being your partner will feel its no longer required to play safe. Thing is, how will you know if he isnt going outside your relationship for sex?
It not someone elses responsibility to protect your life. Some guys dont even get tested because they dont want to know until the symptoms appear. There always will be those that feel, someone gave it to me and they seek revenge on others for contracting HIV.
Do YOU really want to put yourself at risk? If you are living with HIV…its no longer a death sentence, be honest about it. You just might find your soul mate is too!
Wearing condoms implys what? I may get soemthing from you if I dont wear one. Thats why we have safe sex. You assume they have something,but when you disclose it,no one wants to even have safe sex. what that says is,I only have sex with healthy people and I wear a condom becasue you Might not be healthy. DOUBLE STANDARD
Storm I dissagree with the disclosure crap, Ill tell you why. Condoms imply you may have something and dont want to take the chance of getting anything. Condoms are not 100% safe and I wish people would stop implying that they are.. no one deals with fact that, “what if the condom does break and I get soemthing?” Hiv is not like it used to be when it was killing people rapidly. tiny holes can be in a condom unbenounced to the people using them.
Does anyone say to a cop or fire fighters family,” He shouldnt have chosen to be in that field or he wouldnt have died.”
Does anyone say to a fire fighter,or police officer who can be mammed or killed instantly, I wont start a family with you because you may not live long enough to help raise our children? That would be considered outragous and unacceptalbe to many that has those thoughts.
But we think worse of people that have HIV as if you can “instantly die” and act as if there is no treatment. Like your automatically worthless.
Few people with HIV go into a sexual relationship with the thought of,”IM going to kill you”. Its typically out of the urge for sexual passion rather then infecting another person.
Does it make sense when a person tells you he is HIV positive and you decide to not haave sex with them becasue you might get infected even if it is safe sex? And on the other hand you would rather use a condom with someone who you dont know is poz or not and take more of a chance on the unknown person then you would the person who is honest about their status?
Lets say you tell someone your about to have sex with and they decide not to,but also want to warn everyone else about your status.. TO expect someone to keep that to themslevs is foolish. The more people you disclose to the greater the chances are that people will know that you dont want to know. no one thinks of that as a reason people dont disclose thier status.
We have more compassion for people that are outed that are closeted gays then we do when someone tells another person about a personal health issue.
Is it not possible for two men in a monogamous relationship to have “bareback” sex? If you answer no to that,then what you are saying is that gay men arent allowed to have the natural sex str8 people are afforded without being condemed. Your saying its unnatural to desire that in man on man sex in a commited relationship. When str8 people accidently get preganant,no one ask them to take an HIV test. but let a gay men in a commited relationship state that and in the gay community he is frowned upon greatly.
You all cant possibly think “Its better to be honest with the poople your gong to have sex with?”, we dont encoruage someone with TB to walk around with a mask and tell everyone they come in contact with “I Have TB.. why? That person knows full well he will clear the room or bus or event. now ad gay and black to that mix.
“Put yourself at risk?” Hiv men are risky? Risky is having sex period. COMDOMS BREAK,SOME PEOPLE CAN BE TESTED ONE MINUTE AND BE NEG AND 1/2 hr later be poz. There are also those gay people who dont even want poz friends unless they turn out that way during the friendship.
What about those men who are infected in prison,where they dont hand out condoms? What about the person that wears the condom and it broke and that person is infected. we still look at them like..well you shoudlnt have been having sex. OUTRAGOUS! SUCH A DOUBLE STANDARD!
Are you all also saying,if your poz then you need to stick with poz people only. GAY MEN HAVE LITTLE TORLERANCE WHEN A MAN IS INFECTED AS OPPOSED TO WHEN FEMALES ARE.. THERE IS A LOT OF COMPASSION FOR FEMALES FROM GAY MEN WHEN THEY ARE POZ.. YOU WONT GET THAT IF YOUR A POZ MALE.
Of course, you are entitled to your opinion, but do remember that Wes wrote in asking for advice. Not about disclosure when it comes to casual sex, but about disclosure, which translates as honesty, when you are in a relationship, or trying to establish one with someone you claim to have feelings for.
I gave my opinion about disclosure, when it comes to casual/anonymous sex – don’t think it is practical, feasible or will ever happen on any large scale. I’m guessing you didn’t read the entire article before commenting. You seem to be coming from an emotional place, which is fine, but you might want to read the article in its entirety first.
Nobody ever said condoms were 100% effective and I disagree, they do not imply you have something. Lots of people, straight, gay or bi, use condoms because they don’t want to get anything and some use them for hygiene purposes.
HIV positive gay men and even more so black gay men face HUGE stigma, it is one of the things we discuss on this blog. There is no argument about that – I even mentioned it in this article.
There are also laws about deliberately or knowingly infecting others, which is why disclosure IS an issue, whether we all agree or not.
I assume everyone is hiv poz until proven other wise,I have met guys that are hiv positive that have outed other positive guys so it doesnt attract attension to them being poz.
Unless you go to a DR with every person your about to have sex with to ensure they dont have any STD’s I dont bother to ask,people lie and so I practice safe sex anyway reguardless of rather your neg or poz. It hasnt happeend yet,but let’s say a condom broke and someone didnt tell me they were poz or lied about it? TO assume every person your going to be with is negative because they have safe sex and told you they werent poz is just as foolish as assuming married men or masculine gay men are less likely to have hiv.
Im gay,hiv might come with the territory. I beleive the more you alienate people that are hiv poz the less likely they are to disclose this informtaion to you. I also think the person with hiv are more encouraged to challenge you just by being what you desire them to be,just to say, “See your dumbass didnt even know I was and you cracked a nut anyway!” Sort of like “I told you so,” attitude..
You really have to be careful of how you vocalize your preference towards hiv guys.. Its a rat race out there people…LOL
I think this is a very important topic. It is very personal for each individual. I feel it is important for your partner, if u r serious that discloser will make the relationship stronger or weaker, but ur conscious would not be burdened by not saying anything. I tend to agree with Storm, condoms can tear and not disclosing could be by some states unlawful if the individual can prove exactly who. Which we all know is virtually impossibble. But it could be in the future, with DNA typing and maybe phentyping, these strains could be linked to a specific individual who knows these days. Whether it’s a one niter or long term, the person has to be safe and be secure in themselves with their partner to say so.
Wes my brother I’m not going to tell you right or wrong I’m going to let you on on how I personally handle my situation. I got HIV from my ex-boyfriend the guy i thought i was going to spend the rest of my days with. Problem was he spent the rest of his days and nights with other people along side me. Long story short he knew he was POZ when we met. And he never told me and I being young(19) really didn’t think to ask for an HIV talk. The first five years for me after i found out I was POZ was a mixture of shock and denial not to mention betrayed. I went to work, and locked myself away. If was not for my dogs i would have not left my home only to work.Their was socializing with people period, no sex,no clubs. I realize the that was unhealthy and no man should live alone. Fast forward some years I meet a man and we just talk and I told him I was POZ. He just asked me a few question and im going to try to remember them now. 1. are you doing ok now.2 how are your T-cells and 3. the only person who could stop us from moving on would me. I tell you this because you now deep down inside you want to tell him. And if you really do have this connection you talk about things should go almost perfect. I told my guy i was POZ and he still wanted to date me because of the other things i could bring to the table ie: love,faithfulness, honesty, trust, etc. I say this to you tell him its better to let him make up his own mind then for you to it for him. In case you are wondering about the dude i met. We are still together enjoying all the benefits of two black gay men who love each other could.
It’s one factor to know your stats. Are confirmed by medical testing you are hiv positive,but not telling the other person you been confirmed positive is unthinkable. But yet many gay men are becoming hiv positive and the medical doctor seeing them is thinking…..wow 2012 and you are positive? I was in a relationship for five years and my partner infected me with hiv. Trust knowone, with the only life you have. I am 29 years old and dream if only I could of known he was cheating behind my back……I could of left aids free. Don’t forget to add the stress of government cut backs on drugs for this disease.
There are some interesting closing dates on this article but I don’t know if I see all of them middle to heart. There is some validity but I’ll take maintain opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as well