Black Gay Men’s Blog explores the relationship between higher HIV rates among black gay men, masculinity and partner choice. Up until recently, when I thought about the fact that black gay men and MSM had a higher risk of contracting HIV, I never made any association with masculinity or perceived masculinity and partner choice. Some of you may have heard about the recent study, which found that black gay men sought out more masculine sexual partners, believing that more masculine men, where less likely to be HIV positive and feminine men were more likely to be HIV positive. Black men who have sex with men (MSM) get infected with HIV about five times more often than men from other races. I have been meaning to have this dialog on the blog for a while now, because I really want to know what you guys think. Are we really so ignorant, that young black men truly believe that masculine men are lower risk and feminine men are higher risk? Have black gay men learned nothing, 30 years into this epidemic?
Let’s just stay with the basics for a moment. If black gay men believe masculine men are negative, or less likely to be positive and feminine men are positive, I have one question. Given our pychosis and issues, when it comes to masculinity, how do we think the feminine guys are getting infected? So many of us, even the most effeminate of black men are so turned off by “fem” guys, why do we suddenly think they are having sex and infecting each other? You see where I am going with this? It just makes no sense! The study was done among black MSM aged 18-24 in NYC, upstate New York and Atlanta, GA. It just goes to show how much more work needs to be done, when it comes to black gay men and HIV education. I know some of you are thinking it is because the subjects are young, but I doubt that, somehow. I bet if a 23 year old thinks that way, then there is probably a 40 year old reading this blog, who thinks the same way. The study is asking that young black MSM be educated that masculinity/femininity has nothing to do with HIV status. I think it is worth all of us, regardless of age, discussing it – and not just anonymously online, talk about it with your friends.
“There may be no difference in HIV prevalence between masculine-looking and feminine-looking men, but because black MSM perceive masculine men as lower risk, their sexual encounters with such men may make HIV infection more likely,” said investigator Jonathan Ellen, M.D., a pediatrician and teen health expert at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center.
This is very worrying, because it just proves how messed up we are, when it comes to masculinity and sexual roles(which we have discussed on the blog before). So much emphasis has been placed on masculinity and so little on substance and common-sense, that black gay men are making unwise choices and putting their lives at risk. It is so flattering for the masculine black man to want to have sex with us, that we throw caution to the wind. Who needs condoms, when there is a real man ready to blow my back out? If he is ready and willing to blow your back out raw(and you are probably not the most masculine dude on the block yourself), what makes you think he isn’t having raw sex with the effeminate dudes you look down on? He is also probably getting his back blown out raw by some other dude….. and so the cycle continues. The sad fact is that sex with the masculine male, makes those with low self-esteem and self-loathing feel more worthy. There is nothing wrong with being turned on by a masculine man, but when it stops you from seeing the bigger and real picture, then we have a problem.
Over the last few weeks, since I initially heard about the study, I have asked a few friends and associates if masculinity has ever had any impact on their safer-sex practices, or lack thereof. Unfortunately, the young men in the study are not alone. Apparently, I missed the memo that said let’s all seek out masculine men to have raw sex with, because they are less likely to be positive. Alright, I’m being a bit dramatic, but I’ve really never looked at it that way. I heard reasons like : “I like really masculine dudes, who have sex with chicks, coz then you know they ain’t got sh!t” , “If a dude is masculine and has a few baby mommas, then he is most likely clean” , “yeah, I let him hit it raw, coz he ain’t really gay, he just loves booty every now and then” and on Skype last night: “masculine dudes are the best, you know they don’t take d*ck, so how can they be positive? fem dudes are full of all kinds of diseases, their legs stay up in the air 24/7″. Sadly, none of those responses came from anyone under 25, so we can’t necessarily blame youthful ignorance.
Time for another reality check. The HIV rate among black females is also alarmingly high, so who do you think is infecting them? If a man just became a father yesterday, that means he got the baby momma pregnant 9 months ago. So even if he was negative 9 months ago, it doesn’t mean he was negative last night. Besides, just because she wasn’t infected doesn’t mean you won’t be. A lot of black gay men equate masculinity and being a real men with thuggish ways and everybody knows a lot of black men have been to prison, they don’t even have to be thugs. Thugs might give you some good sex, but remember, if you are into the kind of thugs that you have to hide your stuff from, when they come through at 1 am, they have probably done some time. There are no condoms in jail – just thought we should all be reminded of that little fact. So, think twice, before you thirstily throw your legs up in the air and let some masculine dude hit it raw. You really don’t know where that chocolate stick has been, or what kind of deposit he is making in you – or vice versa. As consumed as we are by masculinity, always remember that there is some dude more masculine than the stranger in your bed. Many black men, including the one about to penetrate you raw, see some other dude as an alpha male.
What is at the core of this misconception, is that, 30 years into the HIV and AIDS epidemic, we still see it as a gay disease. For many black gay men, gay still means effeminate or weaker, even though a lot of us aren’t effeminate. The more we distance ourselves from anything remotely effeminate, the less “gay” we are. We are just regular dudes and having sex with masculine men, especially REALLY masculine men, validates us and somehow, it has gotten to the point, where we need their bodily fluids, just to prove our manliness. We have bought into the jailhouse fantasy – we are just boys kicking it, nobody is really gay, everybody has a “girl”, HIV never comes up. It is a very dangerous fantasy. We have all made mistakes and we have slip-ups every now and then, but it is important for us to examine our behavior patterns and adjust them accordingly. As I said earlier, let’s have this dialog not just on the blog, but with friends and acquaintances. Have you been influenced by the masculinity of some bit of trade into having raw sex? Do you think it is safer to have unprotected sex with masculine men? What do you think about the findings of the study? Share your experiences and let’s have a judgment free discussion. When it comes to HIV education, what will it take and do you think there is any hope for black gay men?
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When I first read that study, I mulled it over in my head with regards to my own practice. I practice safer sex 90% of the time, and yes, I’m definitely the kind of guy that prefers masculine men, but what I realized is that it’s not feminine guys per se that I associated with disease in my head.
It’s transsexuals. Maybe transvestites, too. We’re all familiar w/BGC. As a matter of fact, on its profile, it asks dudes whether they’re interested in transsexuals. Hilariously, the yes and no are in all caps, so if you’re not, there’s this bold NO at that question. But if I checked a guy’s profile when I was on there and he IS? I subconsciously assumed he was “dirty.” So it was not just feminine dudes I excluded, but masculine dudes who were into trannies. The fear, I think, was that trannies tend to be involved in risky sexual behavior, as well as sex work, so they’re exposing the men they interact with to STI’s at a higher rate.
The study kind of called me on that belief. I’ve been in an LTR for 2.5 years and not on the dating scene, but it’s fascinating to think through our sexual prejudices. That study made me conscious of the fact I think trannies are more likely to be infected and that dudes who mess with them (who are, usually, very masculine and often bisexual) are more likely as well.
Hmmm, guilty as charged! I guess we believe what we wanna until we are forced to REALLY think about it. I always went along with the fem/100% gay dude being higher risk. Funny how when u read somethin in black and white, it just don’t make no sense.
This is a common misconception. From NYC to Kingston, Jamaica, I’ve heard similar to what you heard. A lot of us see the masculine men as lower risk, especially when we deceive ourselves and refer to them as “straight”. It is so ridiculous, because black gay men are willing to have unprotected sex with a masculine man, especially if he says “I have a girl”(which is the oldest line in the book) etc. We need to be very careful about our choices, a lot of these men have no idea what they have and haven’t seen a doctor’s office for a long time. They have sex with men, women, transsexuals, anything with a hole and/or a penis. The only difference with the younger ones is that they seem to be more bisexual – anything goes these days, but the older ones are just as ignorant.
Be careful out there people.
wow, that’s sad! I must be living in my own lil world, didn’t know people thought this way in 2011. black gay men need to read more and stop spending ALL their time on hook-up and social networking sites. ain’t cute to be so ignorant – not a good look!
we can all appreciate a sexy man, masculine or not and if ONLY masculine dudes float ur boat, I can accept that, but let’s stop the ignorance and self-destruction.
I had also read about this study and was shocked that young black gay men could be so ignorant. Like you said, it’s not just the young ones – discussed it with a few people and 3 men in their forties admitted to using this method of “HIV prevention”(yeah I’m being sarcastic).
There really is no excuse for this level of ignorance in 2011. When are we going to start taking the time to research things that affect our health and lives?
It’s sad that individuals don’t realize that it’s the lack of education about HIV that leads to it’s high rates. I think that some people confuse the aspect that a top is less likely to contract the disease from a positive btm versus a negative btm having sex with a positive top with masculinity and femininity. At the end of the day it all comes down to partner choice and using proper protection
I can not bealive black gay men still think that way. After all these years everyone knows unprotected sex leads to HIV. It does not matter if you are gay, staight, bi, man, woman, black, white, ferm or musculine . We need to love our selves anough to want to protect our bodies.
Well, I guess I will stir up the pot here. First, I find it hard to believe that black gay men are FIVE TIMES more likely to contract HIV than other gays. White gay men are involved in extremely unsafe sexual practices, and are just as likely as black gay men to have multiple sex partners (unprotected). While I hope that these “statistics” help decrease the rates of infection among black gay men, I think the the stats are inflated.
Moreover, most gay men have an attraction to masculine men. This is true regardless of race. IMHO, these news articles indicating that black gay men are afflicted with HIV more than any other race are just an attempt to make black gay men the new face of AIDS. It’s as if white gay men are now immune. This media campaign is a double-edge sword. Although it should help black America become more aware of HIV prevention measures, it’s real effect is to promote a new stereotype that all black people have AIDS. This is simply not the case.
Let’s be smart about both HIV education and prevention, but we shouldn’t plead ignorance to reality.
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. So much emphasis is placed on the black community for having high HIV rates when in reality, like you stated, white men are doing the same things and contracting the same disease… but where are their statistics? Here we are representing the face of AIDS and looking irresponsible when there is very little differences in the sex practices cross culturally. Of course we should protect and educate ourselves on this epidemic but personally I am tired of looking like the poster child of a disease that is not our doing.
We can change the numbers by being smarter: use protection & get tested on a regular basis.
Whether or not the numbers are inflated, ask yourself,” Am I & the other gbms I know getting tested?” “Are they/I using protection regularly?”. If you answered no, or I don’t know to either question, something is wrong. We have to hold ourselves and others accountable.
I don’t have to see the numbers, when the number of funerals I’ve been to from people I’ve known, & the number of people I know who are on meds & treatment for different STIs show the proof that is being questioned.
I find this quite shocking and was not aware that people are still so ignorant and naive and frankly reckless. Now that I am aware of this type of thinking, and I had to choose so to speak, I would guestimate that the masculine men are the ones to steer clear of and are more likely to be positive, as I imagine their dicks are hardly ever in their trousers.
For fucks sack educate yourselves folks. Life is to short to be quibbling about whether or not to wear a condom. Just put it on period. I’ve spent a lot of time in Africa and the level of ignorance primarily due to lack of education and awareness mainly, is truely staggering. I (perhaps/obviously naively) expected better from “1st world countries”.
Interesting blog post. It’s troubling to see so many guys who are that naive when it comes to choosing sexual partners. Masculinity is attractive and with it comes a false sense of security. Hate to say it but femmes and trannies will always give guys doubt. When the majority of bottoms are femme and getting ran through like they are, no wonder guys think that femmes are riskier. What’s more telling is that now you have femmes who try and appear masculine to try and deflect that stigma over them. Sad, but true. If there are reasons why guys think this way when it comes to sexual partners, these might be a few. They didn’t come out of thin air. Just like another poster stated; we should educate ourselves more about prevention, but let’s not lose focus on reality. The reality is that until the minds of gay men change (of which I highly doubt), femmes and trannies will always be associated as a higher risk. The fact they have to do more to attract masculine men should tell you they’re willing to engage in riskier sexual practices. We just have to learn to accept the choices that we make. If you mess up, accept it and keep moving.
First I’d like to say I find it interesting how ageism penetrates every part of our society. But back to the min point, typically fem guys are degraded as being whores (and aspiring to be female). Next time your around some hetero-sexist listen to the type of degrading comments they make about gay, you will quickly discover many of them are sexual. So the str8 community paint a picture of the homosexual being fem and an AIDS ridden whore. When we see masculine men they typically remind us of the other men in our life who we know (or think we know) weren’t gay and just a typical MAN, so the subconscious associations of whoring and AIDS doesn’t scream as loud because those are tied to the femininity. Long story short, this isn’t a age thing (yea im young and took the young comments kinda sour
) it’s a sociological problem. The straight community that raised us has helped to put these self hating concepts in our heads (which is arguably worse then racists concepts cause these were put in by our own family members), and it’s something we have heard since birth so many times it’s not looked at critically.
A comment was left by someone called “You” with a fake aol email address. I tried to respond to you personally about your concerns with regards to raw sex in the gay adult industry, as well as the fact that you saw this article as me “blaming thugs”, which is not the case. I have said it before, we need to assume EVERYONE is HIV+ gay, straight or bi. Feel free to use the contact form with a REAL email address.
EDUCATION;EDUCATION;EDUCATION! That’s the key to turning this around. I read the blog post and the comments, but the masculine/feminine arguments are of no import to me. The fact is that we are not educating young gay men about the disease. We don’t spend enough time trying to talk to the young people, but we act so surprised when they have answers that seem ignorant to us. Whatever happened to “each one teach one”? We can see as, Mork from Ork stated, black people are rapidly becoming the face of AIDS and black gay men are being perpetuated as the source. So if we are aware of this, then why are we not doing more to eradicate it? The white gay community came together around this issue 30 years ago and made sure that they were constantly educating each other. We have yet to do that. So it does not surprise me that this ignorance persists. This is something that we have to come together and face as not only a black gay community, but as a black community. Otherwise we will continue to see such madness and remain the face of AIDS in America.