As I posted on the Black Gay Men’s Blog Facebook Page, prior to publishing this article, I’m not feeling particularly politically correct and this is something I am very passionate about. Too much editing would take out all the passion, so if you are one of those, who find it difficult to understand the bigger picture, are easily offended, or you choose to reside (mentally) somewhere, other than planet earth, then please skip this article. The purpose of this article is to get us to think about our lives and the lives of our younger men, not to debate whether or not the figures are made up to make us look bad, or some other conspiracy theory based argument. If you need proof, go to your local hospital or AIDS Service Organization. No one is here to bash younger black gay men, nor is anyone suggesting that HIV isn’t an issue for those above 29. I know a handful of black gay men in their late 30s and 40s, who have seroconverted within the last 2 years, so let’s not get too comfortable and start thinking only younger black gay men are high risk.
It is an issue for us all, but I do think that older black gay men need to care a lot more about the lives of our youth(and younger adults). We need to start by caring about our own lives and leading by example. Yes, there are some black gay men (of all ages) who do care about their lives and the lives of others, but not nearly enough, giving the statistics. How can we expect younger black gay men to love themselves and have high self-esteem, when, for the most part, they have not been exposed to well-balanced, happy, successful, black gay men? By success, I’m talking about emotional, spiritual and yes, financial success. Black gay men, of all ages, need to learn to make our lives a priority, we need to learn to appreciate depth of character just a little bit more. Forty year old black gay men need to stop trying to be the most popular dude at the club, surrounded by young men in their twenties, who later come to your home to continue the party with more alcohol and/or drugs. If a couple of those guys have unprotected sex, as a result of being high, and one ends up with HIV, you played a role in his seroconversion, whether we want to hear it or not. Wisdom is supposed to come with age, you should have been the voice of reason. Yes, I’m generalizing and being a bit extreme here, in order to drive home the point, but you know who you are. It is time for us to wake up, grow up and start acting like men.
We are responsible for our own lives. We can not and should not wait for some organization (as much as we do need them) to come and rescue us. 30 years into this epidemic, we are still complaining that the CDC and other agencies haven’t done a good enough job in getting the safer-sex message to our communities. There is some truth in that and we all know that other issues such as poverty, lack of adequate health care and homophobia come into play, but it time for US to take control. If you can find your way to some hook-up site, you can Google information on HIV and AIDS. Talk to the young black gay men in your life, find out what they are doing and what their sexual practices are. I’m so sick of hearing statements like “he’s 21, he’s grown, I don’t need to get in that boy’s business”. Don’t you wish someone had reached out to you at that age? If you are HIV positive, don’t you wish someone had cared enough to maybe share some truths with you? We can talk about being black and proud until we are blue in the face, but with pride comes responsibility. True PRIDE means loving oneself and one’s people, true pride means doing whatever we can (however big or small) to prevent our youth from contracting HIV.
If you are a black gay man or MSM and HIV negative, or of unknown status, you have a role to play too. It might be a good time to examine your life and your actions. What does running around having all this reckless unprotected sex really say about you and how much you love yourself? If you haven’t been tested in X amount of years, what business do you have sticking anything in anyone raw, or raising those legs for some raw pipe? Now, if two forty or fifty year old freaks decide, knowing all the risks, that’s what they want to do, knock yourselves out(and you might want to consider PeP, just in case). However, PLEASE don’t deceive yourself into thinking that it is the same as you having unprotected sex with some 20 year old boy, who looks up to you. The dynamics are totally different and while he may be “legal”, he is still extremely vulnerable and has a host of reasons why he might want to trust you totally. YOU ARE NOT PEERS!
I’m not just coming down a little hard on older black gay men, I think HIV positive black gay men and all black gay men, regardless of age or HIV status, need to shoulder some of this responsibility. The kid gloves approach hasn’t really helped us and we have simply become too complacent and apathetic. I’m tired of getting phone calls about young black gay men, who have just become HIV positive, or died. Yes, FYI- people still die of AIDS related complications(or from some complication brought about from the side effects of the medications), maybe nowhere as many as before, but we are still dying. Even if the virus itself doesn’t kill you, the stigma just might do it indirectly – depression, addiction etc.
Which brings me to HIV positive black gay men. What is your role, on an individual level, in all this? Are you educating your friends and loved ones or are you just secretly popping your meds at night and saying nothing? I’m not suggesting you run out and share your status with the world, but would it be too much to ask, for you to maybe share some truths with that one young black gay man in your life? You know, the one with the bright future, whose life might be ruined, because he can’t cope with being HIV positive and turns to drugs. How would your life have been different, if someone cared enough to take on the role of mentor? Haven’t you received some kind of help from total strangers since testing positive? Don’t you owe it to your community to give back, even just a little? If you are HIV positive and sexually active (raw dawgs especially), are you on meds? Meds have been shown to significantly reduce the risk of transmitting HIV, so regardless of your CD4 count, do you care enough about your people to get on meds?
Young black gay men, please try and surround yourselves with people, who genuinely care about you. You are at the age, where you should be out there having fun and hitting the clubs and sowing your wild oats, but please try not to let it consume you. Learn the difference between club associates and true friends, learn the difference between someone trying to offer you a guiding hand and someone trying to get in your pants. You owe it to yourself, regardless of your childhood experiences, to educate yourself about HIV and other STDS. There is more to life than just looking good and having sex, invest some time in your education and your future, while you can. If your friends have a problem with the positive path you are on, leave them behind. They probably were never true friends to begin with or they might just need to do some growing of their own. Learn to love and nurture yourself totally – body, mind and spirit. It will serve you well later in life. If you are sexually active – get tested! If you intend on having safer-sex, buy some condoms and put some by the bed, some by the sofa, in the kitchen, wherever you might have sex. If they are right there, you are more likely to use them.
As I said earlier, some of you might be offended by this article, but I had to get it off my chest. These are my opinions and you don’t have to agree with them, as long as it gets some dialog going, I’m happy. I’m not going to get into debating figures and other issues in the comments, they are out there, Google them. I am also well aware that some of the issues raised also apply to white gay men, straight black men etc. This is Black Gay Men’s Blog, so I am raising them with black gay men. I have already raised them with the heterosexuals and those of nondescript sexuality in my life and I suggest you do the same. If it offends a handful, but gets many more to think, I can live with that. One thing this blog has taught me, is that it is impossible to please everyone in cyberspace. People take what they want from articles and some refuse to see the bigger picture and get stuck on one or two sentences, without reading the entire article. As far as HIV in the black gay community is concerned, I don’t mind offending a few people, if it means one black gay man gets tested or reaches out to a young black gay man in his life.
Many of us are so busy running around doing nothing, we have forgotten what really matters. WE matter, our lives matter, the lives of all members of the black community (and the human race) matter. We can all make a difference if we start by putting our houses in order, as they say. People with much busier lives have gotten involved in the fight against HIV and AIDS, so why is it so hard to get us involved? Black Gay Men’s Blog is urging all of us to make some changes in our lives, however small. Honest conversations with ourselves and those around us must begin and continue, if there is to be any hope of fighting the HIV epidemic in our community. We can all spare some time to educate ourselves and share experiences with younger black gay men, even if we can’t all volunteer at our local HIV and AIDS Service Organizations. We can encourage a friend to get tested and if he tests positive, be there for him. We can share information with one another, we can have meaningful discussions with one another. Never assume your friend knows what you do – a 30 minute conversation might be life-changing, you never know. Apathy and lip service are killing us and ruining lives, especially the lives of young black gay men.
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You sure are right, kid gloves ain’t working. We need to be more responsible for our actions. We(black community)seem very good at not dealing with what is right in front of us. Everybody – HIV positive and HIV negative needs to be more responsible. It seems these days we want to pretend like HIV no longer exists, we need reminders like this every ow and then.
Thanks for this interesting piece. I try to be as open as a mother can with her son, when it comes to sex and sexuality. I encourage him to continue to work on himself and affirm to him daily that he is loved ad deserves to be respected. Our community has failed our young black men, so I’m glad to see you encouraging the older black gay men to mentor the younger ones. It is very important.
No we don’t care enough!
Glad someone brought this up, especially the bit about older men/HIV positive and our responsibility. I am a 44 yr old HIV+ black man and I have this discussion with other black gay men every now and then. HIV+ brothers must not assume that because someone is willing to have unprotected sex, they are positive too. Some people are just ignorant or don’t care enough. For me, I have a responsibility to protect others and as an older black gay man, I shouldn’t take advantage of younger men. A 20 yr old thinks he is grown and knows everything, but they are so quick to trust, it is OUR responsibility to protect them. I am also of the school of thought that sexually active black gay men should go on meds – many don’t agree, but it makes sense to me.
most black gay men I know do not care enough about themselves or anyone else. those who do are seen as some kinda outcasts – sad but true. running around looking good and carrying on is not all the world is about. most of us are not lucky enough to have mothers like mommaknowsbest, so it is up to us to look out for each other. not much value is placed on the life of a black gay man.
At first I thought you were coming down a bit hard, then I got to thinking. What do these ridiculous numbers say about us? It’s sad that in 2011 HIV is on the rise among black gay men. This got me thinking I really need to do more. Sometimes, we get upset initially because it ain’t what we want to hear, because we are so used to believing the fantasy.
@Neil: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Very helpful. I agree that you have a responsibility to help protect young gay black men (though at 44 you ARE NOT an old, LOL), but these young men must learn to protect and love themselves as well. Not everyone they encounter will be as wonderful as you. As a matter of fact, even men their own age will seek to take advantage of them. You have to be careful.
Please share with us why you suggest sexually active gay black men should go on meds. I assume you mean men who are not HIV+. If so, I am interested in hearing your thoughts.
LOL no I’m not OLD, but if I am in the presence of a 20 or 30 something, I am old-er.
As far as meds go, I think what you are referring to is PrEP, which has also been discussed on this blog. That is HIV negative black gay men(in this case) taking meds to prevent infection. I also think that’s a good idea, although it will be quite hard to implement(IMO) for various reasons.
I was actually talking about HIV positive black gay men starting meds earlier, in order to reduce the risk of transmission. Getting your viral load to undetectable reduces the risk of transmission(not to mention is much better for your health/immune system). Reducing the amount of the virus in the blood and semen should be a priority for all sexually active black gay men, in my opinion. Just because doctors might not suggest you start meds until your CD4 count falls to 350(they are looking at raising that number to 500), doesn’t mean you can’t request to be put on meds. There are black gay men running around with extremely high viral loads an having raw sex. To me, that’s just plain WRONG!
I won’t go into it much more, because I just did an interview with Storm and we really go into it, so look out for that.
Its gotten to the point that when anyone is hiv poz its the gay community that fights against the person that’s poz and not the disease.
they are treated as if they are going to kill the world. This is why many are silent about being infected. Sure its wrong to not tell someone your hiv status. Many infections are created through protected sex. In some cases through using someone else razor.. more ways to catch it then through sex.
Let me ask you? Should hiv people only date or have sex with other hiv people? if your answer is yes, Thats the reason people dont share that information because they dont want to be alienated,many food service jobs and hospital jobs will not hire you if you are hiv poz, WHy would someone reveal to everyone thats interested in him,and the result is the loss of his job when that job asks, We need to test you?
In answer to the initial question, do we care enough I believe the answer is still no. Belonging to the generation that this is concerning I see first hand how a lot of black gay men have neglected the severity of HIV becoming content with the idea that if he catches it he can just take some pills and live productively. Yes you can take a pill but why not live productively and healthy in one accord. I’m glad you touched on the subject of older men playing a large part in the dilemma because I strongly believe that is a key issue as a lot of older men who either don’t know their status or don’t disclose their status bait young men into having unprotected sex with them. These young men are still vulnerable and impressionable so older men prey on this misplaced trust and in turn ruins the lives of these young men. Not to say it is all older men but I’m sure the statement applies to a great many. There aren’t enough positive black gay young role models in the black community standing up to spread the idea of safe sex, which is another big flaw. In time we must communicate with our brothers and discuss such topics not being afraid to cross personal boundaries.
I agree, young or old, we all gotta be more responsible. This “I don’t care attitude” is going to kill us all. I’m also glad u touched on the older men AND HIV positive brothers doing their part. Sometimes, we like to pretend this stuff ain’t real. Keep on keepin it 100!!!
BTW – I prefer ur passionate articles LOL.
The average black gay man doesn’t care enough, in my opinion. We have created this fantasy of what it is like to be black gay men and many of us are too scared to deal with real life.
Just look at this article, it is dealing with some real stuff, but the number of Facebook “Likes”(14 at the time of writing, which is Day 2) suggests to me it is a lil too real for a lot of those who normally like the articles (some have 60, 80, 90, 100 likes ). I say that to say, you are right about apathy being the order of the day. This should be shared and liked, to make people think. I guess guilt is preventing some of them from sharing.
We have a LONG way to go and we can all do more, myself included. The future health and mortality of black gay men, depends on US!!!
Please keep making us think and talk about stuff that makes us uncomfortable. There is often a reason when people get offended by the truth.
A member of our Skype group got so heated about the points you made about older black gay men needing to take more resposibility. One thing about our discussion group, if we smell a rat, we will press you til we get to the bottom of it. Turns out you were speaking directly to him. He(46) always goes to NYC and DR with another friend(48), they surround themselves with young men(20,21, 22) and all have one big party with alcohol, weed and X pills. Of course, the young men think they are great with all that free stuff and probably a little pocket money at the end. Condoms aren’t always used. His reaction was as a result of his guilt. A lot came out of the discussion, he admitted he has a big weed and ecstasy problem, which makes him lose all reasoning.
I’m mentioning all this to say, sometimes we need to feel uncomfortable, in order to face our truths. Thanks for making us think and talk.
Anger is valid and real. The bold text though leaves me not wanting read any further though, cus it reads as threatening and aggressive.
In a 2100 word article, there are only 5 incidences of bold text – sorry you find it threatening. It is for those who tend not to read the full articles before assuming they know what I am talking about and/or those who make the same comments over and over again, like “it’s not just black gay men”. Sometimes, bold text is necessary(in anticipation of certain comments), if not I have to spend all day moderating such comments and responses to them. It’s a balancing act and I can’t always please everyone.
“It is time for us to wake up, grow up and start acting like men.” I do not know where we are missing the mark. I have heard this same story being lamented day in, day out, but somehow it is not sticking.
A people fail and perish for lack of knowledge, and we see this played out way too much in our society. There are many contributing factors that may lead Black gay men down destructive paths, but BY GEORGE, we have got to LOVE GOD AND LOVE SELF FIRST, so that we can be equipped against the wiles of the wolves in sheep clothing.
EDUCATE YOURSELVES BLACK GAY MEN, as it is the only way you can learn to love, be loved AND live productive, HEALTHY lives. I know the stigmas surrounding our community are harsh, but we have got to learn how to be patient and diligent in our pursuit of happiness [PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS- not yo next booty call].SEEK WISDOM so that iron can sharpen iron. I am so adamant AGAINST the spread of HIV/AIDS, I DON’T watch raw/bareback porn anymore [the mere sight of it DISGUSTS me]. I HAVE to practice what I preach, and if that means CUTTING out that kind of visual stimulation, then SO-BE-IT.
I DO APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY AND FORTHRIGHT ATTITUDE, AS IT IS OFTENTIMES THE BEST WAY TO DELIVER YOUR MESSAGE. All of us is expected to have a message, and we CANNOT expect to please everyone with “baby gloves” and hand-holding if we want that message to HIT HOME.
WRITE ONE BROTHA!
I appreciate this article. The bluntness and cold hard facts are just what we as a community needs. The politically correct approach IMO has been over used and is completely tired. Peoples lives are in the balance. To hell with political correctness, its about saving lives! I agree with the other comments that GBM as a whole don’t care enough. I also feel that many gay black organizations spend so much time focusing on this issue to the point where it just falls on deaf ears because they hear it so much. I for one would like to see more focus and attention on self empowerment and personal enrichment. If we as black gay men care more about ourselves and each other, then we’ll also take better care of ourselves and how we treat others. I know, that’s asking for too much nowadays but I believe its a start.
Personal responsibility is also the big elephant in the room that rarely gets addressed. The focus on our community has been and maybe will forever continue to be on sex. The GBM community thrives on good looks, machismo, and countless sexual depictions and partners. There isn’t enough emphasis on other aspects of gay life such as relationship development and monogamy. Although I feel bad for many the many Brother who may find themselves faced with having to deal with their HIV diagnosis, I can’t help in the back of my mind wonder if more could have been done to prevent their infection? I believe that black gay men are exposed to other types of contact and relationships that doesn’t involve risky behavior will that help curb the these numbers from raising higher? Seems easier said than done, but it doesn’t hurt to at least start or try something.
People will do better “IF” they know better. To know better they must first be exposed to better.
LOOK WHAT I FOUND GUYS! This just confirms and resonates what Storm is saying—> http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/hiv_adolescents_adults_1667_20960.shtml?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter
I won’t be redundant and repeat what I’ve read on here, much of which I agree with. Except to say that many men I’ve met, either don’t care or are not educated in ‘the do’s and don’ts of safe sex?’ Some of these same men have hostile feelings towards those who are positive, yet fail to ask or be concerned when having sex with a stranger. I think the online sex sites should stop asking peoples status. Who tells the truth? And for those who do, what proof have we? Probably very few pull out or ask to see the paperwork should a hook up result. Instead, some choose to believe the word of a stranger. There seems to be a feeling of invincibility out there, like it will never happen to them, similar to how they feel about getting old.
Sometimes this is what we need to hear. When people start getting upset and feeling threatened by an individual having strong opinions(like a few were on Twitter yesterday), just makes me wonder what planet they are living on. You don’t sound threatening or aggressive to me, you just saying what a lot of us need to hear. This politically-correct stuff is taken way too far, too often. I also read 1 or 2 saying we should be mad at the organizations that have failed black gay men. Yeah, maybe we should, but it still doesn’t mean WE ain’t gotta play our part. The organizations ain’t sitting on a4a all day and night and slanging raw pipe. Sitting around like toddlers waiting for our diapers to be changed ain’t working – PERIOD!
Most of us come here for the honesty, it’s refreshing – keep bringing it!
OK, if I have to take a few hits here, then so be it! I find young people abnoxious, shallow, vain and disrespectful. They live for the moment, no thought of their future or consequences for their actions. This is not just gay young people, but young people in general. I am glad I am now 51 years old, and by their accounts, a cast away! Who needs their attitude and them thinking that they know everything. In fact, they have learned to master the skill which has been brewing in the gay community for a very looong time of seeing thru a person; meaning, if they look at you, and are not sexually attracted to you, they see pass/thru you. Young, black gay men have no sense of their history, for them to learn it would take too much time out of them being Fab! I can only assume that their parents failed them, and society is exasperated by them. My working in the community for years has not stem the tide and forced me to just leave them alone. I admired my mentors, have learned a lot from them and continue to learn from them. Young people have made it clear they have no use for mentors.
@Brian
As a black gay man of a certain age, I agree with what you said. I was recently introduced to this young black gay man in a gay club and within MINUTES of being introduced (I had never seen this person before) he loudly said that I was “bourgie (sp?)”. He was standing maybe a foot away from me. There were several others guys with us, including the person who introduced us. When I didn’t respond, he said it again. I still didn’t react.
I think that many of the young ones are going to have to find out the hard way. Many of them really do think they know it all. With the way the economy is going, the various tax payer funded programs out there to help HIV-positive people (and people with AIDS) will be a thing of the past in the not too distant future. The Republicans are going to see to that. Then what will they do? Who or what will they turn to?
I am more than willing to help people, but they have to be willing to do their part. Doing their part means being respectful to others and this includes being respectful to their elders.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that some of the young black gay guys like to fight. They will fight about anything and sometimes nothing at all. What’s up with that?
@ Elg and Brian – I hear what you are saying and it is true that young black men of today are more disrespectful, but as they say, we shouldn’t throw out the child with the bath water.
It is easy for us to say young black gay men are so rude etc, but be have to ask ourselves why? There is hardly any family structure left in our community and there are no real role models for most of our young boys gay or straight. It is the duty of those of us who are older and wiser to steer them in the right direction. What would our lives have been like, if our mothers were more interested in the club and being hoochies than making sure we were raised right? What would our lives have been like if different men crawled in and out of our mothers’ beds and we never saw our fathers? How does it feel to be a young black gay man in 2011 with no father and still shunned by most of your society and church?
I’m not making excuses for bad behavior, trust me, my son was disciplined and had great male role models, so he has turned out to be a very respectful young black gay man. So, I don’t cosign bad behavior, but I just think as a community that has failed our young black men, we should not be so quick to cast them aside. They could learn a lot from older guys like you, so please don’t turn your backs on them.
None of us were perfect at 18 or 25 and I know a lot of disrespectful, low-down 40 and fifty year old black men too. We need to be there for the younger ones in our society and you guys have more to share with them, based on your experiences, than I ever could.
Thanks for calming me down! I know that there are redeeming qualities in everyone and I need to be reminded of that. I just get so frustrated when there are job openings, simple entry level openings that I can’t even recommend them for. I’ve had to send them back home to change, that is not how you show up for an interview. And the ones who do get in, lack the drive to compete and just falter. Whatever happened to black gay men/boys being the smartest in the bunch – and not just being sassy, but really bright?? Some of them can’t even read or write, yet, they have on all the latest! My heart aches because I see a 25 y/o who cannot read as just having a failed future.
I have to admit, some of them come from really broken homes with horrific experiences. so, again, thanks for reminding me.
Truthfully speaking during my whore days I may have slept with about 15% black men but black men were the most likely to ask me to fuck them bb. Now I am not putting down other black men since we all know that there are many White men who have unprotected sex also.But with Black men there tends to be a total disconnect. 3 years ago I met a bf who said he loved me blah blah and then we started having it unprotected I had a test come back positive. I retested and it came back negative. Since then I have used protection with everyone. My current BF and I have decided to not use protection and I still get tested every 6 months. After about a year of counseling I realized that I did not respect myself we Gay Bi Trans Black men are oft disrespected by our own families ridiculed by society especially Black society. Subconsciously we often times do not respect or love ourselves. Guys please use protection each time just whisper in a mans ear condom. If he does not want to he will disappear most guys do not care.
Blatant lack of sexual responsibility in the era of HIV and AIDS may also a passive form of suicidal behavior. HIV has been known for over 30 years and at this point, it is no secret to anyone how easily it can be transmitted and what the possible effects of contracting it can be. In the black community, an extremely homophobic culture combined with the stigma associated with seeking mental counseling for depression may cause a lot of young black males to feel a sense of hopelessness. Young black gay males have much higher suicide rate than their white counterparts and to me, this behavior seems to be a form “escape” from both social reality and eventually life itself.
Story of my life….once upon a time before with an ex partner. Im just thankful for my own good health. And yes I believe it is a bit much to take in for a lot of these men. They try to live out their fantasies but afraid to deal with the outcome. Ultimately causing them to avoid health check up. And some of these same men that don’t know their status walk around telling people that they are “clean”. And this is out of hope! Knowing in the back of their mind that something maybe be wrong but they just won’t get checked out. Eventually these men believe the lie that they tell themselves and others. This is a serious issue! Wheres the self-worth? Responsibility?
While HIV is an issue in the gay community…period…HIV rates in young gay men from different races (other than black) are pretty constant and are decreasing in some groups. With young black gay men it is increasing enormously…why? Are black men really that much more irresponsible than others? What is the reason? They say 46% of black MSM are hiv+. When you consider the people who frequent A4A that number is probably 50-60%. That is crazy and sad. Not to mention black women.
My fellow brother in the struggle, I appreciate your article and in many ways I have no contention. I especially love the tone and passion in which this was written and let me say that “anger” has always been confused with passion and love by those who have nothing to be angry about! (think about that)
But I would not be ThePeoplesProphet if I did not raise several serious critiques of this article. Primarily with the following statement
“30 years into this epidemic, we are still complaining that the CDC and other agencies haven’t done a good enough job in getting the safer-sex message to our communities. There is some truth in that and we all know that other issues such as poverty, lack of adequate health care and homophobia come into play, but it time for US to take control.”
I must tell you that I am sick and tired of people not holding the institutions who have power and MONEY responsible! How dare we charge black gay men to be more caring and responsible when the CDC and NIH are ran and operated by racist gay white men, who now are “experts” on black gay men! These men do research on black gay men with little to NO input from their (black gay man’s) vantage point. It is the same model used when whites raped Africa. This colonist model is sick at most and useless at best. MILLION upon MILLIONS of dollars have been wasted on Prevention messages that have come from the ill-informed minds of white gay men who think they know more about brothers of color than we do. We are sadly mistaken if we think that one we live in a post-racial society and two that these researchers give a good god-damn about black gay men (There may be those of goodwill). I have seen these budgets and let me tell you these white gay men who are now “experts” of black gay men are making six figures as experts on people who look like you and I. I have also seen how these same researchers who “love” and “care” about black gay men, completely dismiss and ignore serious concerns of black gay men when presented to them in meetings and conferences.
How can you do a research study and no one that you’re researching is on the research team? I cannot tell you of the countless times I’ve had showdowns with white gay men because they sought to tell me that know more about black gay men than I do. The nerve. Most white gay men have never and will never examine that knapsack of privilege that they walk around with every day from the mere fact that they are WHITE MALES living in AMERICA! Let’s not be so quick to forget that regardless of their sexuality, they are white men first and our just grievance concerning oppression isn’t our sexual identity first, I must remind you that it is our race. Blacks have been terrorized by whites since we landed on these shores bound and in shackles and now we can dismiss all of that history because he cries “oppression and injustice” about his sexuality and never mention the ways in which he or she has benefited from being WHITE! That is shameful that we do not want to take those institutions to task about their racism which is dominated by white men, regardless of their sexuality. How many black researchers are getting grant funding for research? Why aren’t the prevention messages more specific, creative and relevant? How many black researcher are walking the halls of the NIH, CDC and research institutions? (Not just those sitting at desks doing the grunt work) Why aren’t black gay researchers receiving the same amount of funding? Why are their grant proposals being held up in the pipeline, when others are given priority just because of the names of the PIs on the study? We cannot gloss over the racism that is within these institutions and white people should not be given a pass because they are gay. There isn’t “some truth in that” there is a hell of a lot of truth in that!
Then my fellow sojourner you glossed right over the shameful poverty, inadeguate and nonexistent healthcare and the sociodicy that we live under as if these things are somehow byproducts of one’s sexuality. The truth is homophobia did not begin in the Black Church! There is a direct correlation with it and patriarchy both of which are the sins of white men. We must again stop blaming the Black Church for what white evangelicals did after the Southern Freedom Movement. Secondly we cannot dismiss poverty and nonexistent healthcare as if there is no cause to it and therefore brothers are just irresponsible. I cannot tell you about the horror stories I hear as I travel this country about there being no healthcare and people being turned away. There being no ID physicians in their towns. Or the numerous narratives about people having trouble doing things that you and I most often than not take for granted. Like getting in a car and driving where we want to go, buying most things that we desire and enjoying life. Follow the votes and policies coming out of Washington, DC and I assure you that there is enough blame to go around.
And finally, I do not believe that “apathy and lip service are killing us” but in fact it is both the intrinsic and extrinsic stigma, shame and silence. Brothers are dying faster from this illness because they cannot tell their friends who spew hate with slangs such as “her paperwork isn’t right”, “She’s sick” and “She so skinny” these and other hateful aphorisms are dehumanizing, stigmatizing and hateful. Not only can people have conversations but they can also engender COMPASSION considering themselves lest they too become a statistic. Again hear me when I say, I have sat at besides and listened to the countless narratives of brothers who have wept and wailed because they cannot stop reliving that one night, or cannot forgive themselves or have no one to listen to them because the judgement. Such judgement is not only coming from “the black church” but it is coming from friends who they hear talking about someone else and it discourages them from disclosing to their friends, one-nighters and even potential lovers. I do not wish to make excuses however it is my goal to offer a narrative which is often ignored.
But let me say I understand the premis of your article and in many ways black gay men have not taken the proper steps to combat HIV and AIDS however to throw the majority of the blame on us as if to say we need to do more than others, is unfair. The people of goodwill who want to help should do more, the CDC should do more, “Pride” events planners could do a hell of a lot more, and yes we too, black gay men should do more.
I wholeheartedly believe that the answers will come from within the community and that the days for “white saviors” are over. You have given several real and concrete interventions that can begin here and now. Thank you again for your
article.
-ThePeoplesProphet-
Great points. Might have appeared to have “glossed over” the socio-economic issues, because we have mentioned them time and time again on the blog and I have also addressed the stigma and prejudice from within our own community. It is not possible to dealve into each and every detail in each article, sometimes I have to stick to what I consider the most important and hope that people read the related articles, to get a better idea of exactly where I am coming from. I’ve already been accused of writing “essays” lol, so sometimes I just have to edit, but I do so confident that whatever points weren’t dealth with at length will be brought up in the comments. I agree, we should ALL do more, but we have done a lot of sitting around blaming white men over the years. All I’m saying is that as valid as the history and the issues are, it is time for us to take more control of own destiny. Whether we like to admit it or nor, in my opninion, there are much fewer black gay men who actually give a damn, than those who don’t. That needs to change.
I think we all know the answer to the question posed. Black people in general have a complete disregard for healthy living….why should black gay men be any different? We have this ‘live for today’ mentality that is not condusive to healthy living mentally, physically or spiritually.
“I’ve already been accused of writing “essays” lol,”
I like your essays. Keep ‘em coming! I appreciate the nuance and attention to detail. I like the information.
The younger black gay men need to know what good writing is. This blog could be a contribution to that.
Changing the topic, I’m starting to think that this blog is rising to the level of some of the best Black Women’s Empowerment (BWE) bloggers. Maybe you’re already there. That’s awesome.
Maybe this blog is the beginning of a similar movement of Black Gay Men to empower ourselves. Of course, I don’t know if that’s what you want. Maybe it isn’t. But your essays are outstanding.
Young people (and people in general), reading is GOOD for you. Believe that! How else can you learn things?
Thank you sir, appreciate it! BTW you are spot on, when it comes to my vision for this blog, it has always been about empowering. I appreciate the fact that you get it.
You are welcome. Believe it or not, I’d been wondering when a black gay men’s blog like this would happen. I’m glad it’s finally here.
Hopefully, a critical mass of black gay men will be inspired by you and your work.
Storm, as a mom to teens, I just wanted to say I appreciate all the honesty, thought, love, and hard work you put into this blog. (Love the new look, too!) Thank you for all your efforts!
It’s true, each man, no matter what age, should be practicing safe sex and take responsibility for his actions and his body. I may be wrong, but I tell my son to stay away from clubbing, just focus on school, work, meeting friends, developing some sports or hobbies and friendships, then he will find what he is looking for. The young men need all the help they can get to find their way in this world today, and all the older people, men and women, need to help this young generation find their way, and protect them from harm, too. It’s our responsibility.
Keep up the great work, & God bless you and every single one of your readers!
thanks, appreciate it! I’m glad we have a few moms who visit the blog often.
Hi,
I’ve just started a blog sharing my experience as a young gay HIV+ man. Here is the link to my first (and only, at the mo) video. If you have some time guys please have a look and share the discussion,
Thank you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTt0jVl2KC4
As an HIV prevention Researcher, I wasn’t surprised with the CDCs new research article. I was surprised that it got so much attention, considering researchers in the field are well aware of the stats. Even though we need to get info out to the communities, research shows that HIV knowledge, high risk sexual behaviors (including condom use, amount of sexual partners, etc) is not different than that of white men. Researchers are currently investigating other factors that are contributing to the large disparities in relation to seroconversion. Some of those factors include being infected and not knowing, which increases the spread of the virus within the black gay community because studies show that black, as well as white and latino MSM, generally “date” within their same race. Another factor is that young black MSM are more likely to have sex with older men, which some studies have suggested may have an impact on how many seronegative individuals are infected by seropositive individuals. However, even though we are unsure of the reason that black MSM are being infected an an alarmingly higher rate than any other group in the US, factors such as condom use, alcohol or substance use during or before sex, and having sex with positive or unknown status individuals still has a large moderating effect when it comes to seroconversion — as is the case with other races as well. In the end, the CDC and the National Institute of Health (NIH) have been funding studies to improve our knowledge of factors associated with HIV transmission. However, with budget cuts becoming a concern, many well designed studies, which could discover many of the answers we are looking for, are not being funded.
Hey Nick,
Thanks for chiming in and please don’t let my rant below deter you from returning with more facts and statements. Different voices and opinions are what make this blog work, so I appreciate your input.
I have always found it hard to digest the bit about high risk sexual behaviors being no different from that of white men. It just doesn’t make sense in the real world, even though that might be the “official statement’. High risk behaviors might be the same when it comes to HIV positive black and white men, but I strongly doubt it is the same across the board. Real life experiences suggest otherwise and what makes researchers think black MSM are being totally honest, when a lot of us haven’t learned to be honest with ourselves? Some Black MSM don’t even tell the truth to their doctors about sexual practices, but we are to believe they tell the truth to researchers? I have always found that a hard pill to swallow. Even when faced with complete anonymity, the stigma and shame associated with sex and sexuality are so deeply entrenched, that most of us are economical with the truth, to say the least. I also wonder what makes researchers think black MSM would love condoms any more than their straight counterparts? Next thing we’ll be told that heterosexual black men use condoms just as often as white men. The baby mamas and fatherless babies in the hood tell a different story, one I’m inclined to believe is the real story. Have the researchers been to the hood and asked the delis and bodegas about the decline in condom sales in some black neighborhoods? I guess we are all getting free condoms now. Is active research being done on the sex sites – real life tests with profiles, not questionnaires? Do white men not use mind altering substances as well? Yet, I guess we are to assume that even though they may be high, they are somehow more capable of making informed choices. Has real research been done in the clubs – how many black men stick a condom in their pockets before stepping out in 2011? What about all that raw jailhouse sex and the disproportionate number of black men in prison? I’ve worked in the prison system, I know what goes on.
These studies, statements and statistics can indeed be very helpful and I agree with most of them and with the fact that budget cuts are a concern. However, we need to be willing to accept certain cold hard facts and find ways to impact change. Whether we like it or not, Black MSM seem to be having a lot of raw sex, just like their straight counterparts. We need to find ways to combat this problem, not be lulled into some false sense of security, or into believing that raw sex is not the primary cause of this epidemic in our community. I am not suggesting that’s what you are doing, I know you were just giving the facts, as they have been reported, so I’m not having a go at you, personally. People have a way of digesting the most comfortable parts of such statements and for some, that would be “hey, see we aren’t really having any more raw sex than white men”. I just think we all need to rethink certain strategies and finds ways in which to combat the low self-esteem, depression, self-medication and homophobia in our community – all of which can be associated with the total disregard for self, which often leads to high risk sexual behaviors.
A part of the statement above we really need to address is the fact that young black MSM are having unprotected sex with older men – and not always voluntarily, because at 13, that is statutory rape, as far as I’m concerned.
We have a lot of work to do………..
Hi there storm,
I fully comprehend what you’re portraying through this article and i must say im loving the work you are doing on this site. I am twenty three and i’ve been longing so to speak for a gay black role model. So praise be to god for storm lol. I applaud you!!
Can i call you uncle? LOL
I agree with you in regards to the fact that there’re too many older gay black men out there just not caring enough. I believe this is due to them not caring about their own well-being which in turn inevitably makes these individuals indifferent to the world, resulting in irresponsible behaviour.
I have been a victim ( if i can call it that) where i have trusted older men assuming that with their experience and knowledge about hiv/AIDS within our community that one could be more relaxed, engage in interesting talks, not to ask too many personal questions and to end in fondling . During my very first stranger encounter i dropped my barriers down instantly due to ignorance, perhaps even to having respect for him for being an older gay black man. Instead of that individual using their wisdom to educate me he seduced and charmed me into having unprotected sex. At that time i was 18, fresh to the scene and extremely vulnerable. i thank God that i didn’t catch hiv from him. However, what he did do is forced me into a world of the pleasure of raw sex and the hardship to eradicate such thoughts and feeling. Now five years later i find it extremely hard to trust anyone. It has got to the point where i don’t even want to have sex with anybody because i’m petrified of the idea of contracting the virus. I thank God every day that i haven’t contracted hiv. Could you call this a form of mental rape?
Within the last five years i have become more aware and understand that you are in control of the situation just as much as the other person is regardless of age. Thus, it is also us youth that have to become more confident and take ownership of our actions to prevent things like this from manifesting.
Uncle Stormy…. i hate to be so cynical but in short and to end, men are just to dam selfish and the older one gets the more selfish he becomes. So if he has hiv he won’t give a toss if he passes it on to someone else.
Another point to add (sorry guys) what about the older, racist and selfish white man taking advantage of us youth?
@Brian
i respect my elders! However, now I believe you have to earn your respect first. I will never be so ignorant.
Love to all especially uncle stormy
The sad truth is that no one takes HIV seriously anymore! Because HIV+ Americans aren’t following out in the streets anymore do to wonderful medication; people know that contracting HIV is no longer a death sentence. I can’t think of the last time I heard of an American dying of HIV. Maybe kidney failure, a cold that quickly turned into a deadly pneumonia, but not death by HIV. And when WE as a country start treating HIV the way we treat smoking, crack, and heroin by showing marketing print material and TV ads to what happens to your body when you live with a virus; and what the medication can do to your body overtime, I think we’ll see a decrease in people contracting HIV. There is an excellent documentary called, “The Gift” and it follows the lives of bug chasers (people who want hiv) and gift givers (people who will happily give you hiv).
Something seriously disturbing, but something everyone should be forced to watch.