It’s advice time again at Black Gay Men’s Blog, as Zamo, a bisexual black male, needs help seducing his straight neighbor. Gay and bisexual men lusting after straight dudes is nothing new and as long as same sex attraction exists, there will be a black gay man(or in this case, bi black male) trying to get in the pants of some heterosexual male. Why Zamo thought I would be the one to ask for advice, when it comes to the art of seducing an uninterested straight male, is beyond me, but he frantically and disturbingly emailed me 6 times in the space of 24 hours. One would have thought he was going to drop dead – if he didn’t get to wrap his lips around the penis of this straight neighbor, who had clearly lost whatever fleeting interest/curiousity he previously might have had. Seeing as he asked for “tips”, I was in no rush to respond, but I received another email from someone else in a similar situation(lusting after a straight male colleague, who had made it clear he was heterosexual and not interested). I decided, we should talk about it on Black Gay Men’s Blog, using one of Zamo’s emails as the catalyst.
Regardless of sexuality, it is flattering to be the object of desire and most men would at least consider the offer of a great blow-job. However, I find obsessing over a few unattainable straight inches, not only disturbing, but also a waste of time. Zamo is not alone, many men(gay, straight or bisexual) have had a crush on or some sexual feelings towards a straight male, at some point in their lives. Most of us grow up and unless we have some unresolved issues, realize that spending time, energy and possibly money, trying to seduce a straight dude, who isn’t interested, is really a waste of time. There will always be gay men for whom the heterosexual male represents the sexually superior, alpha male and there will always be straight men, who see gay men as thirsty semen receptacles, whose sole purpose in life is to satisfy the curiosity of horny, self-proclaimed straight men, in need of a great blow-job. The need to write in for advice(and to send as many emails as he did), suggests that this is more of a problem, than Zamo realizes. He doesn’t say how old he is, but here goes……..
Hey Storm! Im a bi guy and i have always had this crush on my opposite neighbour,to make a long story short i finally got chating to him on a social network.I started sending him straight porn pics, he wanted more everytime so i started sendin him gay blowjob pics in between.He started gettin curious, so i said so many things to convince him.At one point he was willing to meet let me give him a blowjob. But suddenly he changed his mind, he didnt ask for pic etc. He’s whole attitude changed! We still chat and i know he is curious,i just need some tips or advice to convince him to let me give him a blowjob? Can you please help me!
Dear Zamo,
I guess the answer would be – No, I can’t help you in your quest to seduce a man, who doesn’t want you. You might want to try some other blog or forum for that, I’m sure there are many thirsty black gay men out there, well-versed in the art of desperately trying to seduce straight men, regardless of the cost to one’s dignity. However, I might be able to make you or some other person in a similar situation, look at things in a slightly different way. I think you need to ask yourself a few questions, in order to figure out the best way forward.
- What is so enticing about attempting to seduce a straight dude, who doesn’t want you?
- Are you prepared for whatever his reaction might be, after said seduction(including violence)?
- Why do you think it is okay to send unsolicited porn to anyone’s inbox, even if it is an attempt to seduce the individual?
- Now that he has obviously changed his mind, why is it so difficult for you to simply move on with your life?
- Wouldn’t having sex with someone who wanted you be more fulfilling?
- Do you see yourself as sexually inferior to straight men, because of your same-sex attraction?
As I mentioned earlier, the allure of seducing a straight man is nothing new. Gay and bisexual men(of all races) have fantasized about seducing straight colleagues, friends, neighbors and strangers for years – so Zamo, you are not some two-headed freak. You represent many black gay(and bisexual) men out there, including NC-Sean, who also wrote in. The offer of a blowjob is often the chosen method, because we have all heard that men give better blowjobs and there is a possibility that the straight dude in question might be curious and in need of some great head. I see it as a mixture of lusting after the unattainable(at least emotionally) and the pursuit of the alpha male. So you give this man a blowjob, then what? Apart from the few minutes of sexual pleasure, which is enough for some, what else do you stand to gain from the seduction? Is there a part of you, that secretly fantasizes about some pseudo-straight man being hooked on your oral skills, getting “sprung” and falling in love with you? If there is, sorry to burst your bubble, but that is probably NOT going to happen. You probably haven’t even processed why this seems so important to you.
I don’t believe this is simply about wanting to give some straight man a blowjob, because that in itself, wouldn’t make most people email me six times within a 24hr period. So, now that we have established the fact that you have stalkerish/obsessive tendencies, please don’t do something you will live to regret. There are millions of men and penises out there, who would love a blowjob, I’m sure you can find a willing partner, instead of obsessing over this individual. Besides, you say you are bisexual, so you should have even more choices, when it comes to sexual partners. Obsessing over an individual, whose attitude adjustment is as good as saying NO THANKS, is a waste of your time and makes you come across as extremely desperate. In your case, it sounds like there is a very thin line between lusting after some straight penis and becoming a sex offender. I don’t believe in attempting to coerce anyone into sexual acts – straight, gay or bi.
Hopefully, this is simply a result of youthful naivete, exuberance and hormones and not some deep-seated issue. Nevertheless, I suggest you spend more time loving and nurturing you and less time obsessing over uninterested straight penises.
Good Luck!
Storm
I am sure some of you reading this will think I am being unnecessarily hard on Zamo, but the whole lusting after straight men thing, is such a tired cliche. Granted, most of us have been down that whole “trade” road, but did you obsess over it so much? Have we accepted that it is the norm to lust after men, who don’t express any interest in being with us? Does being gay or bisexual equate with being less than and as such, we need to beg for some straight pipe? Doesn’t this exhibition of thirstiness perpetuate the myth that all gay men will do anything for some straight penis? Also, I found the tone of his emails and the fact that he sent so many, in a 24hr period, disturbing. It demonstrates that he has the tendency to cross boundaries quite easily, which could get him into trouble down the road. Many gay(and bisexual) men go through this stage – getting stuck there and not realizing that you deserve and can get better(even if it is just sex) is what I have a problem with. As far as I am concerned, the more years one spends on one’s knees being a receptacle for pseudo-straight semen and getting nothing in return, the emptier one’s soul becomes.
All over the world tonight, there will be some black gay men, lusting after straight men, it is part of life. Regular lust and finding men of all sexualities attractive is fine, there are some beautiful straight black men out there and there is nothing wrong with appreciating an attractive brother. However, when sex or the need to seduce a straight dude becomes such an important and obsessive part of your life, it might be time to do some introspection. It is no wonder some straight men think all black gay men are just dying to drop down to their knees and worship their almighty penises, even when they are attached to dickheads(pun intended).
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The guy was just leading him on. But after he got all hungry, he stopped talking. What a loser. The notion that every man wants a blow job so badly that he’ll take one from a dude is silly. Think of it this way GAY man – you love head too – would you take it from a woman?
I agree with that analogy! Well,said.
Also wondering how old Zamo is.
Some gay men go through this ”I want a straight guy” phase. Hopefully, you grow out of it soon, because there is nothing sadder than a 40 or 50 yr old still lusting after some straight man.
For me, sex is a 2 way street. All this seduction stuff always seems so one-sided – he sits or lays there like a log, you pleasure him, he gets off, puts on his pants and leaves. Then you go after the next “straight” piece – how exciting! I need a little bit more than that.
I get what u are saying, but most of the time str8 d!ck is all I can get. I am very fem and most black gay men shun me, even though it’s many of us fems in ATL. It’s easier for me to get the str8 curious trade type. Most times they just use me bust and leave but that’s what u get. It’s lonely somtimes coz they don’t talk to u, hold u, kiss u, nothing so I agree that it is not very fullfilling. I hope ur upcoming piece on fems will do some good, I sent my info.
To Zamo I say move on!
I like men who call themselves straight/have women, because I don’t like the drama that a lot of black gay men bring. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m into the whole seducing thing, because I ain’t, but if a str8 dude is curious and wants some head, I’m down. I don’t seduce them, if we are chillin/smoking etc I let them know that I like giving head, if they make a move by saying they wanna see what it’s like etc or by pulling it out, I don’t turn them down. Sometimes, it leads to more than just a BJ – and NO, they ain’t always the “top”. BUT lately I been finding that whole str8/curious/trade/DL scene is getting boring to me. I’m now 35 and I want a dude who ain’t gonna freak out about laying in bed with me or going to the movies. If all u want is a quick nut, fine, but don’t get all obsessed ad crazy. This messing with str8/confused dudes ish gets old real quick!
Zamo – move on and go find u a man, ur own man, that’s gonna want u for u!
I think the guy is some what off track with this obsession. I am gay, but when I was stationed in japan I had a Japanese girlfriend I actually met in the gay club. We just hit it off so well as friend we started being sexual. I was just comfortable with her. After that, it was straight dickly to my mother’s despair, lol.
Interesting, but, I would be way too scared to do it with a neighbor, they might like getting a bj, but, will beat you down if its ever found out, and, are no different from trade IMO.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Once that “penis” enters an orifice of anyone of the SAME SEX…..it ain’t straight penis anymore.
Sexuality isn’t as cut and dry as that. A gay man can have sex with a female and still be gay, so why can’t a str8 man try receiving oral sex from a man and still be str8? Besides, this has more to do with the gay/bi dude than how the “curious” individual chooses to identify. It is about gay men finding those who identify as straight more appealing. We all have some bisexuality in us, that is my belief, but this has more to do with the gay or bisexual individual than anything else.
True David, no ‘straightt’ man will not have a weenie no where near near his person, and, not even for a free bj that his ‘girl’ won’t do.
4 1 thang dat whole suducing tge straight male or trade is so 90s n da second think i get wat u mean storm zamo just move own dere r plenty of dudes out find self pride n move on
Reading this just shows how truly desperate some of us are. As if perpetuating the “Thirsty Gay Man” stereotype wasn’t sad enough. He turns around and stalks the neighbor to boot. If the highlight of your day is chasing someone who’s already said NO you seriously need to re-evaluate.
str8 males and females are the same way about concuring each other. Rather they are married or in a commited realtionship str8 people have more of a longer history of,having forbidden sex. (1/2 siblings attest to that) I find it odd when people sterotype gay men who do exactly the same things str8 people do,yet they are looked at as more sluttier than married str8 people. Its a turn on for many str8 males and females to want to have sex with a virgin. This is no different.
Zamo, just friggin move on. There are tons of men out there in the world. This desperate need to seduce or conquer straight men, that some of us have is so juvenile. Like Storm said, spend more time on YOU!
Zamo, I would have loved to know you age, because it seems as if you are lacking the maturity and development needed to navigate…LIFE. The whole concept of you running after someone who says he is STRAIGHT and NOT INTERESTED shows you are deluded, obsessed and DESPERATE. If there is one thing that IRKS me is desperation that DOES NOT lead to one chasing after achieving a life-changing goal, dream and/or aspiration [that in turn changes the world].
I for one am past the stage in my life where I allow straight men to experiment with me. If you ain’t wanting some beef [not the drama], then you need to keep it moving. I can’t afford to be giving myself away to everyone who just wants some dick, head and ass and will never love me for me and respect me for me after ejaculation [& that goes for gay sex/relationships for me as well].
And this is exactly what this straight neighbo[u]r WILL NEVER DO—> LOVE YOU AND RESPECT YOU. You are just a cheap tryst to satisfy whatever fantasy or “freak-of-the-week” conquest that he had. When he is up between his or any woman’s legs and thighs, TRUST: you are the LAST person that will be on his mind.
Love God, love yourself so that you can effectively love other people and CLOSE YOUR LEGS AND MOUTH TO STRAIGHT MEN. Otherwise, you will get burnt.
Happy Holidaze!
I get the thrill of seducing ‘straight’ men, but I don’t get it…
I agree wit wat love ova pride said its just sad dat alot of gay men not judgin will be willin 2 lose their dignity n self pride just 2 get dick stop humiliating yalselfs n move on n do yal btw storm can u do n article 4 da younger gay generation like my self cause wat i find is im 20 n alot of gay people n my age range r 2 busy tryn 2 find luv dan focus on demselfs thankyou
I really think you guys are being to hard on this guy so what he crosses the line, so what he seems to be obsessive but so do people who troll gay website looking for masculine str8 meet. I just look at the guy who has a fetish some people are into trannies, being on the TOP?Bttom/ Verse/S&M /role playing etc. This guy is no different than anyone of us in our sexual journey on this planet. Bruh whomever you are or how old you are keep doing what you are doing, but I will agree with the moderator of this blog learn to take no for an answer.
if you are trying to seduce anyone (gay or straight) it’s an indication that sex is probably all you have to offer someone anyone.
There are larger numbers of gay men who dont buy into the str8 dude syndrome, however there are also many examples of people who have never had homsexual sex before and prefered it by not having heterosexual relations ever again. I know a few men who were in prison, They went in str8 and came out gay never having any sexual interest in females ever again. Im not refering to men who were forced to have sex either.
I think its less likely your going to get a BF out of converting a once str8 guy. but it has been known to work out on those rare occassions. I think porn targets gay men in that particualr way. “Broke str8 guy” ring a bell.
Has anyone noticed some of the Gay rights laws in the U.S that have this year and will take effect on New Years 2011?
I agree with Charles’ statement, and disagree with David’s statement completely. David’s perspective is: once you leave YOUR side of the fence and even go on the other side, you’re no longer what you were before you jumped the fence.
There is this human thing called curiosity, David, and as Einstein said, once you lose that, you might as well be dead. I thing plenty of straight guys are curious about what it FEELS like to get a blowjob from a guy: will it be better (as they’ve heard)? Will it be weird? They’re not just having one thought, as you so simplistically put it. How do you even KNOW what thoughts they’re thinking?
Is a mother who steals bread for her children to eat a meal — and does it once — a thief? Is a soldier a murderer if he shoots an enemy who’s trying to shoot his friend and comrade? What about the man who hits his wife – ONCE – but never again. Can he be called a wife beater based on that one experience?
Forgive me, but there’s a far bigger picture than you’re capable of seeing. Referring Einstein again, he also said information is not KNOWLEDGE and KNOWLEDGE is not more important than imagination. He also said that curiosity was what led to most of his discoveries, and while sex is probably not one he was thinking about when he said that, the thing is being curious doesn’t make you less “straight” any more than a gay man having sex with a woman once, as Charles said, makes you gay?
Open your mind, brother. A closed mind cannot get (en)light(ened).