Are You My Hero?

I heard a friend once say to me: I want a knight in shining armor, someone who is going to ride in on his white horse, save me, and sweep me off my feet. Now I love a good fairytale with a happy ending but his statement made me pause for a moment. I do not know if it was because it was coming from him; a man who was by all standards a very strong and masculine gay black male. Or if it was because I had heard so many Black Gay Men say the same thing. Whatever the reason it got me to thinking about today’s gay black man: our expectations, our wants, our needs, and our faults.

Gay black men today talk a lot about what they want from the men they date. I want him to be masculine. I want him to have a job, a car, a house of his own. I want him to be smart. I want him to be funny. I want him to be sexy. I want him to be stable. I want his sex to be off the chain. I want him to be a freak. I want, I want, I want. There is a whole laundry list of things we want or are all expecting. Yet some of us don’t even live up to half the things on our list but we still want them from someone else.  We want perfection but we ourselves aren’t perfect.

It has become our mantra: I’m looking for someone to sweep me off my feet. And although I understand the concept; the wishful thinking behind wanting a hero, is it really realistic for us all to want to be saved? Certainly, we cannot all be in distress. By story book lore if there is a damsel, then there has to be a hero. So where are have all the hero’s gone?  And If we are all looking for hero’s, is anyone really being rescued?

The answer is simple; NO! With everyone searching to find someone to save them I can’t help but to think that people are missing out on their opportunity to become someone else’s hero.  The way I see it we are all hero’s in our own right and we all have our own special super powers as well as our own vulnerabilities. But we will never discover what those powers are if we are too focused on our weaknesses and what we want other people to be to and for us.

Nobody is perfect. No one man is invulnerable. We all have a kryptonite and so just like you need and have the desire to be saved there is a man out there who is going to need and has a desire to be saved by you. But you have to be open to being someone else’s super hero or knight in shining armor. But that requires us to be able to take a step back and evaluate what our own strengths and weaknesses are.

I finally after a long pause looked at my friend and asked him ever so calmly: are you up for the challenge of being someone knight in shining armor? He didn’t know exactly where I was going with this which is what prompted this article.

Every last one of us on this earth has got some baggage. We all have some mental stuff that we have yet to overcome and we are all looking for someone who is going to love us through it. And that is so not a bad thing, that we want someone who is going to rescue us from loneliness and love us unconditionally. In fact that is the way GOD intended it to be. But where some of us get it wrong is that we expect someone to love us unconditionally and help us carry our baggage but we are not willing to do the same for someone else. We want perfection and anything less than that simply won’t be tolerated. It is silly, unrealistic, and a double standard to expect someone to come into our lives and have everything we need but not be ready to provide them with what they need. We all need someone to rescue us. So we all have to learn to be superhuman.

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Original blog post: Are You My Hero?

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Kordell asked for my honest opinion and that’s what he got, but he is just one of many black gay men facing similar dilemmas. At one point or another, we have all sacrificed a value or two, in the name of lust. So, while he certainly gets the tough love he asked me for, let’s all remember that most of use have been vulnerable and made a huge mistake, at least once. Not learning from said mistakes is the real issue. Growing up is not just chronological, it involves recognizing, learning from and discarding certain patterns. Hopefully, you guys will share your experiences and words of wisdom, so we can learn from one another.

OK Kordell!

Where do I begin? First of all, I think you should start listening to your BFF, he obviously knows you quite well. Now, you might not be a “hoe”, but you are certainly coming across as very thirsty. This is not about falling in love at all. You are simply lusting for that huge pipe you have seen dangling in front of you and are caught up in the whole straight guy seduction thing, which we have all heard of, or experienced. From our Skype conversation the other day, you seem like a nice guy. However, you are a bundle of contradictions, without even realizing it. I would spend more time getting to grips and dealing with more important issues in your life, rather than wasting time and energy on “Dee”.

Since when was it okay for mother and son to share men? I’m sorry, but I never got that memo. If this is some sort of unresolved payback, then you need to sit down with your mother and sort this out. There is clearly some dysfunction here. You are suggesting that your mother shouldn’t have brought him around you, because he is your type. Basically, what you are saying is that you are an uncontrollable, predatory, black gay man with no boundaries. Talk about a stereotype! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – one of the things, which separates human beings from beasts is our ability to control our sexual urges. We don’t have to hump everything in sight, we can resist the urge. It might not be easy, but it certainly is possible.

You say you go after the downlow, thug and bisexual types, because you “like a man to be a man”. Again, more evidence that your value system and self-worth are lacking. There is nothing wrong with being attracted to masculine men, if that’s what you are saying. However, if you think that a real man sits around all day and night smoking blunts and drinking, while his fiancee and her son are at work, then you have never met a real man. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You mentioned on Skype that he never looks for work, just fixes things around the house. You and your mother are basically keeping this man. Yes, times are hard, but both you and your mother have managed to find jobs. Why you both think all you deserve is an unemployed hustler is beyond me. There is more to life than a huge pipe. It certainly isn’t worth ruining the relationship between mother and son.

If all you crave is to have your back blown out by some huge DL pipe, knock yourself out, but don’t deceive yourself into thinking this is love. You live in Brooklyn, there are many “Dees” with that BK swag bopping about the place. Just take a walk down Fulton Street, they are a dime a dozen. There is nothing special about Dee and the games he is playing with both you and your mom. Of course, he’ll let you drop to your knees and service him, then he’ll go downstairs and service your mom, when she gets back from work. The two of you will keep him looking fly, while he drains your bank accounts. Of course, he doesn’t have to ask, because he knows he has power over both you and your mom. His power is in his boxers…or dangling out of it.

You are good-looking, you have a great work ethic, you deserve better. Even if you are attracted to the thugged-out masculine type, there are many of those in NYC, who won’t try and seduce mother and son and who are interested in working. You think you are making a move on him, but he has been seducing you for a year, you just don’t realize it. He can smell your thirst and knows exactly what he is doing. He knows you value sex over your dignity and your relationship with your mother. The same is probably true of your mother. Trust me, he knows exactly what he is doing and you are definitely not the one in control.

Both you and mother should work on building your self-esteem and establishing some boundaries. It says a lot that she would want to marry this man. No wonder your priorities are all skewed. I would leave well enough alone and work on getting to the point, where this isn’t what you think you deserve. Mother and son should probably consider some therapy, but this probably won’t happen until you both grow up a little bit more, or some man devastates your lives, whichever comes first.

At the end of the day, you will do what you want to. However, the fact that you are asking for advice, suggests to me that deep down you know this isn’t right. You are probably seeking something different in your life, but are torn between what you know is good for you and your pattern of lusting after huge DL pipe. You asked for honesty, you got it. Whenever I am asked to be honest and not hold back, I know the person already knows that they about to make the wrong decision. This is just my opinion, the rest is up to you. I wish you all the best.

Storm

There you have it, loyal readers of Black Gay Men’s Blog. I am sure many of you can relate to this story, maybe minus the mother thing, so please chime in. Kordell will like to hear what we all have to say. I think he is just trying to find the strength to quit his obsession with Dee and men, who have nothing to offer him. Let’s be honest, he is not alone, there are tons of black gay men in similar situations. He just happens to be brave enough to share his story, which will hopefully help other black gay men.

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Original blog post: Black Gay Men: Lust vs Family Values

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Recent developments, over the last few months (while the blog was on hiatus), prompted the need to take a closer look at black gay men, denial and what it is doing to us. Of course, I am including black MSM in this too. It doesn’t matter what label you choose to give yourself. What matters is the fact that denying any of the following can have a negative, chronic or fatal impact on one’s life:

• The totality of who you REALLY are.
• What kind of sex you enjoy and/or have recently had.
• Your relationship with alcohol and drugs.
• When last you got tested for HIV and other STDs.
• The fact that you look and feel ill or have lost a lot of weight unintentionally.
• The number of men you have had sex with in the last year and how that makes you feel about yourself.
• The fact that you feel like a failure, because you have wasted years being fabulous and “legendary” on the gay scene and haven’t realized any of your dreams.
• Your secret desire to be in a meaningful, loving relationship – even though you constantly say you are not looking for a relationship.

What happens to your psyche when you remain in a state of denial? If you don’t accept who you are and whatever circumstances are real in your life, then denial can become a silent, deadly, killer! It is impossible to talk about denial, without talking about shame and guilt, which are often the cause of said denial. This is especially true among many black gay men, who might not feel accepted by their communities and families. Only when we learn to truly accept who we are, warts and all, can we begin to heal, grow and become the strong, healthy men we were put on earth to be. This is not simply about coming out, it is about being really honest with yourself. Many of us claim to be out and proud black gay men, but we still harbor closets full of secrets, shame and denial.

When it comes to denial and black gay men, denial comes in a variety of shapes and forms. There’s the denial of sexuality(which happens to most of us at some stage), denial of sexual practices, denial of our true financial situation, denial of our HIV status…. and the list goes on. Not only do we deny these parts of ourselves to our friends, but we also deny them to ourselves, which is when it gets really dangerous. How many black gay and bisexual men do you know, who can’t last a week without getting high and/or drunk? Or those who always seem to be stuffing their faces with candy and junk food, even though diabetes runs in the family. Ever thought there might be a reason for this? I know I’ve had my moments too. It is important for us to recognize what the shame and denial is doing to our lives. Suppressing who you really are and the truth about your sexual, financial, emotional and physical health often gives birth to other problems. Depression and addiction spring to mind, both of which increase the risk of becoming HIV positive.

I am struck by the amount of black gay men still not getting tested regularly for HIV. Many only find out when their immune systems are severely compromised – with CD4 counts in the double and single digit range. They are called late presenters and often only find out they are HIV positive, when they also receive an AIDS diagnosis. I am saddened by the fact that in the last 6 months, I have known and heard of at least 2 black gay men, who have died alone in their apartments. I am disgusted by the fact that some of us see our (so-called friends) looking like death warmed up and say nothing. It is too close to home, we don’t want want to offend, our own denial kicks in. We don’t want to deal with our own mortality, so we become enablers in the big black gay dance of denial. A friend of mine was recently ill and diagnosed with HIV – actually, he has an AIDS diagnosis. When I saw him, it made me wonder how those friends, who had been seeing him regularly, had failed to say anything to him, in the months prior to his diagnosis. I would have hauled his ass to the clinic months ago. Sometimes, all a friend needs is a little push and lots of support.

After receiving  an HIV or AIDS diagnosis, many of us remain in denial. Some don’t take their meds, many lie to friends, sexual partners and even lovers about their HIV status, because they haven’t accepted it themselves. It is really not surprising, because some black gay men can’t even admit to strangers, friends and lovers that they often enjoy bottoming. Now, if you can’t even admit that to your man, how the hell are you going to be able to deal with being HIV positive? Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting one needs to disclose one’s diagnosis to all so-called friends. However, you owe it to your lover or man to tell him. Sad thing is, taking the prescribed meds and being honest about one’s HIV status both decrease the risk of HIV transmission. Studies have also shown that HIV positive individuals, who have support from loved ones live longer. This is why I say denial is the black gay silent killer. If we are not poisoning our minds, bodies and souls with drugs and alcohol, we are silently colluding with the spread of HIV and AIDS in the black gay community.

A lot of us come out, burst onto the gay scene and get caught up with the clubs, caught up with the ball scene, caught up with the sex, caught up the drugs, caught up with keeping up appearances and we deny what’s really happening in our lives. We deny the fact that our souls are slowly dying, we deny the fact our dreams are dying, we deny the fact that our ambitions are dead and we pretend that it is all a fabulous gay ole time! Of course, it is never too late and it can be fabulous, but we need to wake up and deal with what’s really happening in our lives. Not what we would like others to think is happening, but what is really happening.  Only then can we become stronger and achieve the inner peace so many black gay men crave. A lot of us get so immersed in being gay and the perceived lifestyle, that the true core of who we really are is slowly and silently being killed, each and every day. I think it is time for us to dig deep, take a good long hard look in the mirror and stop the denial, because it is killing our brothers, it is killing black gay men.

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2. PrEP as HIV Prevention and Black Gay Men
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Original blog post: Denial – The Silent Black Gay Killer

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The issue of raw sex has certainly been discussed on Black Gay Men’s Blog before, so this is not a discussion about whether or not we are having more raw sex. Rather, I would like us to think about how true we are being to ourselves, when it comes to the decisions we make. What factors affect those decisions and how we can become better at negotiating safer-sex (if that’s what we want). On the flip side, maybe some of you are in long-term, committed relationships and would like to take the rubbers off. How do we negotiate that, while minimizing the risk?

Whether we like it or not, unprotected sex is definitely more visible and “acceptable” than it was, say 5 or 10 years ago. The word “freak” means something totally different today, than it did 5 years ago. So, next time someone asks you if you are a “freak”, will you know what they really mean? Will you be willing to ask exactly what they mean or will you be kicked out of some dude’s home at 3am, because you said you were a “freak”, but aren’t willing to have raw sex? Or will you find yourself allowing an unprotected penis to slip inside you, even if that wasn’t your plan for the night? I think it is time for us to put our judgments and denial aside and ask “Am I really getting what I want sexually? Am I going along with raw sex, knowing all the risks, simply out of a need to please or be wanted?”

Black Gay Men’s Blog decided to put a few willing black gay men in the spotlight, with the hope of getting some kind of dialog going. This an open, honest, non-judgmental, adult discussion about sex and the choices we make. Hopefully, you guys will chime in, as usual, and share your thoughts and experiences.

Storm: When last did you have have unprotected sex without meaning to and why?

Michael, 25 yrs old, Bronx, NY: That’s easy, about 1 month ago, I actually went on a date with this very cool dude. We had been chatting online and were feeling each other. After the date, we went back to his crib and one thing led to another. We never really talked about at dinner, but he did ask me if I was a freak and I said with the right dude. He asked if I thought he was the right dude and I said yeah. Anyways, after some messing around and oral, he went to the bathroom and I was laying on my stomach, he came back in the bedroom and just put it in me raw. I guess I let him, because we had been drinking and smoking and I thought he was mad cool and we were going to keep dating. I just went with the flow, even though I had only had unprotected sex with my ex. Ain’t gonna lie, shit was hot, but that was the last time I saw him. I called a few times and he never called back. Made me feel like I played myself! I rather keep that for someone I’m with, but that’s just me.

Ty, 31, Philly: It ain’t really like I be having convo about that shit. I know that most times these days, when I hook-up, there ain’t much talk about condoms. I don’t know, I guess feel like that’s how it goes most of the time these days, I just go with it. Plus, I’m vers, so sometimes, I’m the one sliding it in, without asking if that’s what they really want. I feel bad when I talk with my friends, coz some ain’t down with the bareback shit, so I just lie, even though I’m really freaking raw. I think it’s loneliness for me, I need that connection and it feels deeper skin to skin, but it don’t last long.

Nazir, 27, Oakland, CA: Nah, I don’t play that. Don’t get me wrong, I have done it with my ex, but I reserve that for relationships, go get a test together and if you wanna have unprotected sex together, cool. As long as there is trust and y’all are committed. If it’s casual, I always make sure I have rubbers, even though ain’t many dudes checking for rubbers these days.

Storm: Why do you think some of us(black gay men) find it hard to have honest discussions about whether we want raw or safer-sex?

Ty, 31, Philly: I feel like even though so many of us are freaking raw, we don’t wanna talk about it, coz then you a certified freak! Like you nasty or some shit. It’s that hypocrisy, so many freaking raw, but many of us have that church guilt, so we just gonna do it on the low or just slip it in it, slide it in and don’t say nothing. When you really think about it, don’t make no kind of sense with the rates(HIV) and all, but it’s a bunch of freaks out there any night of the week. I think this is good that we talking about it, coz same way we don’t talk about what kind of sex we want or are having, same way we don’t talk about when last we got tested, but black men busting all kinds of nuts in each other raw every night! I guess it is denial.

Michael, 25, Bronx, NY: Yeah, denial, fear of rejection, fear of being seen as HIV positive, even if you are. We have a long way to go. There are couples who ain’t never talked about it and are having unprotected sex. I think it is something we most def need to learn how to do. A friend of mine is with a dude who is totally against raw sex, even in relationships and he loves raw d!k so he creeps and gets him some. Now, that’s just crazy.

Storm: For years, gay men have been told we should have safer-sex all the time, even in relationships. How realistic do you think it is and do you see committed relationships as valid “reasons” to have unprotected sex?

Nazir, 27, Oakland, CA: HELL YEAH!!! Now, I ain’t freaking raw, when I’m single, but if we are in a relationship, you better get ready to swap some fluids. We go down to the clinic check everything out and do what we do, plain and simple. I don’t see how I could be in a long-term relationship and use condoms all the time. Why do some of us deceive ourselves into thinking we are superhuman? I think it is one of the perks of being in a relationship, just like in straight relationships!

Sam, 38, Hartford, CT: Nah, I haven’t met that brother I can totally trust yet. I know too many people who have become positive from their man cheating. I can’t do the raw thing on any kind of frequent basis. Yeah, I’ve slipped up every now and then, but 9 times out of 10, I’m a condoms man. I have buried too many people, shit scares me. Plus, so many dudes I know in relationships have tried to freak with me raw. Now, I have no problems with the whole negotiating thing, I let it be known we are using rubbers. But we are all human, luckily I know my weaknesses – a sexy dark skin, masculine, packing brotha, tequila and weed and then, that’s the 1 time out of 10 I am prone to slip up. Luckily, I hardly ever have tequila at home lol!

Storm:  Are younger black gay men less likely to be able to negotiate for what they want sexually, considering the fact that many go through that stage of self-discovery and trying to fit in? Also, do you think education and family (or the lack of father figures) have any impact?

Sam, 38, Hartford, CT:  I think younger black gay men are definitely more likely to be pressured into doing things and not just when it comes to sex. A younger brother might come onto “the scene”, in this day and age, thinking that in order to get a man, he has to agree to raw sex. Most of his new gay homies might be talking about how good raw sex and he thinks that’s the way everybody gets down.

Michael, 25, Bronx, NY: Yeah, also it is easier for an older dude to influence a younger, greener, black gay man, fresh on the scene. A lot of black gay men I know ain’t never really had strong relationships with their fathers. Then, this sexy, older dude pops up and he seems like everything you ever wanted. He might have more money, a good place to stay etc. So, he’s got the upper hand. If he wants raw sex, the younger dude is more likely to just go along with it, because that older dude is like your security, at that moment. Plus, many of us really want the love of a man and we end up in all kinds of situations. I think peer to peer education and the older ones schooling the younger ones would be more helpful. We all know you can get HIV and other diseases from raw sex, but when last did your homie say to you, “Yo, I met this fine azz dude last week and we freaked raw, that shit was so good, but now my di*k burns like it’s on fire and my booty got all kindsa bumps”? We usually only hear how hot it was.

Nazir, 27, Oakland, CA: I also think general education as well as sexual health education can be great for self-esteem. It is about building confidence and making informed choices. If you’ve got your own shit going on, you’ve got your degree and are focused on working at a career, that boosts your self-esteem. Most of us already feel a lil low from all kinds of negative messages we have received coming up. It is important for black gay men to understand that we NEED to educate ourselves and be ambitious. It ain’t all one big party! If I have my good job and I happen to roll through some dude’s crib at 2am and  he asks me to leave coz I ain’t down with the raw sex, I can drive my ass home or call a cab. The more power we have as black gay men, the less likely we are to feel that we HAVE to deal with certain situations.

Storm:  Do you think the fact that many of us are hypocritical, when it comes to unprotected sex, affects our ability to negotiate (for want we really want sexually) honestly and effectively? Some of us publicly denounce the “raw freaks”, but haven’t bought a condom in months or weeks, while others can be found on certain sites thirstily begging for raw sex. How do you think that affects black gay men, when it comes to dating and relationships?

Ty, 31, Philly: I think so many of us are so scared of being looked at dirty sluts, because of the hypocrisy in our community, we forget that it is better to be honest about what you really want sexually, when it comes to relationships. If I say I don’t believe in condoms in relationships, suddenly I am labeled a hardcore raw dawg. Even though the guy I might be dating, maybe ,had his legs up in the air for some raw pipe 3 weeks before he met me. That’s why so many of us never have that convo. Raw dawgs have HIV, if I admit to liking raw sex, then I’m saying I am HIV positive. Who is gonna date me then, even though at least 50 percent of black MSM are positive? Hasn’t that figure even increased? I would rather be like, “Yo, I’m feeling you, let’s make this shit exclusive, go down to the clinic, get tested and blow each others back out raw all day, all night.” But when I say that, I’m the big nasty raw freak, even though you were on Xtube last month begging some dude for his raw di*k!

Sam, 38, Hartford, CT: I would actually have more respect for a brother, who came out and just said, “Hey, if this gets serious, I will want us to have raw sex”, instead of all these little tricks some of us play. Trying to slip the condom off, whether you are topping or bottoming. Or wanting me to smoke a million blunts, knowing that weed and tequila make my inhibitions go out the window lol.  A lot of black gay men are scared about honest discussions about unprotected sex, because it makes us think about HIV. The crazy thing is that by not talking about, we put ourselves at more risk. If I was with a brother I could trust, I would have no problems going to get tested together (for EVERYTHING) and taking the condoms out of the relationship. But if you can’t talk honestly about your sexual past, then I can’t trust you. I find it hard to believe a 45 yr old black gay man, in 2012, who says he has never had unprotected sex. My alarm bells go off, then I can’t trust you. I understand we don’t wanna be judged, but sometimes, you just gotta take that risk, in order to find lasting happiness.

Michael, 25, Bronx, NY: I’m definitely guilty of fronting to my friends, because they are so judgmental. I love how raw sex feels, if I’m honest. But I always feel like a cheap hoe afterwards, especially if I bottom and then I never hear from dude. My friends all say they use condoms and talking about all these nasty queens having raw sex and taking all kinds of nut, but I saw one of them on a tube site getting gutted raw by 2 dudes. He had a mask on but I know his crib. He is the first to say all kinds of shit about raw freaks. I ain’t said shit to him, but he will read this, maybe we can start being honest then. I would rather just settle down with one dude and then we can have sex without condoms.

Storm:  What advice would you give to black gay men, who find themselves unable to ask for safer-sex, if that’s what they really want?

Nazir, 27, Oakland, CA: Make sure the decisions you make, sexually, are your own and not those of the trade you just met or the guy you’ve only been seeing for 3 weeks. Spend time getting to know and being honest about what really works for you. Never feel you have to do something, just because he is fine, packing or you are scared of being alone.

Sam, 38, Harftford, CT: To the younger ones, I say, remember that if he really loved you, he wouldn’t be trying to get you to do something you are not comfortable with. Just because he looks healthy, doesn’t mean his sex can’t change your life forever…. and not in a good way. Build up your self-esteem, it will help you say and mean NO.

Thanks to all the guys, who participated in this discussion, their honesty is appreciated and we will be hearing more from them in the near future!

What about you guys? Are you really getting what you want, when it comes to safer sex vs raw sex? Do you often put yourself at risk just because you are scared to be alone, have low self-esteem or want to please? By now, we are all fully aware of the risks, when it comes to unprotected sex (especially if you have been following Black Gay Men’s Blog), so that’s not what this article is about. Get to know who YOU really are and what you really want from life and sex. Just because some of your friends love having raw sex, doesn’t mean you have to, if it is not for you. Educate yourself, empower yourself and love yourself. Someone else’s decision to have raw sex, could change the course of your life forever.  On the flip side, are you in a relationship and feel unable to bring up the fact that you would rather be having raw sex? Have you cheated on your man, because of a craving for raw sex? When it comes to negotiating and discussing whether we really want safer or raw sex, how are we doing as black gay men?

Related posts:

1. Black Gay Men, HIV and Raw Sex

Original blog post: Negotiating Safer Sex In An Increasingly Raw World

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I have had a lot of personal stuff going on the last couple of months, so apologies for any inconvenience caused.

Look forward to brining you more stuff and hearing from you guys.

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Original blog post: Black Gay Men’s Blog Returns

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“Being gay is not a western invention, it is a human reality”…..Hillary Clinton. Kudos to Mrs Clinton. Now, we have to do our own bit in the fight for equal rights for the LGBT community all over the world.

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1. Fighting Nigeria’s Anti-Gay Bill

Original blog post: Hillary Clinton’s Geneva Speech Champions Gay Rights

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Over the last week or so, I have been following the story and chatting with gay Nigerians in Lagos, New York and London – all of whom are deeply upset and disgusted by recent developments. We will be following the story and Black Gay Men’s Blog is 100% committed to supporting the fight against against this bill and homophobia in Africa, in whatever way we can. You don’t have to be Nigerian or of Nigerian heritage to get involved, this is a human  rights issue and as far as I am concerned, the fight for human rights is a global issue. So, I urge all of you to make your voices heard. This is not just about gay marriage(I doubt most Nigerians in Nigeria were even thinking about getting married), this is about the freedom to be who you are, this is about the freedom and right to love, this is about being able to meet friends and loved ones for a drink, without the fear of being locked up. This is about members and supporters of the LGBT community doing  and fighting for what is right!

To President Goodluck Jonathan,

My name is Ifeanyi Orazulike, and I am not illegal.

As a Nigerian citizen, and a public health advocate, I call upon you to stop the draconian, anti-human rights, anti- HIV/AIDS prevention and un-democratic legislation just passed by the national Senate.

If this bill is approved Nigeria will place itself outside the community of democratic nations, in a moment in which the country is facing serious internal and external anti-democratic threats. The implications of the bill with its recent modification would affect tireless and long years of work in the protection and promotion of human rights, HIV/AIDS prevention, and the entrenchment of democracy in our country.

As the elected guardian of the human and civil rights of ALL Nigerians, I urge you to show respect for the diversity in our great democracy, and refuse to sign this bill.

Respectfully,

Ifeanyi Kelly Orazulike
Director, International Center for Advocacy on Right to Health (ICARH)

Please Join Ifeanyi & GET INVOLVED – Petition to Nigerian President

Nigeria is the most populous country in Africa and it is a country with extremely deep religious ties and a colonial past. It is not easy for most people, in countries like the USA or the UK, to understand the complexities of life for a gay man in Nigeria. Unfortunately, we are dealing with a situation, where the lines between State and religion are blurred. When that happens, basic Human Rights simply aren’t guaranteed and logic tends to take a backseat. I was and continue to be deeply saddened by the hateful comments, on some popular Nigerian blogs, mostly borne out of religious fanaticism. Sadly, homophobia seems to have become a unifying factor between the Christians and Muslims in Nigeria – a country which currently has more pertinent issues to address.

photo’s courtesy of Sahara Reporters

This ridiculous and archaic bill also has implications beyond imprisonment. As the UK and USA threaten to cut financial aid to countries with homophobic laws, many fear that this will have an impact on the treatment of HIV positive individuals in countries like Nigeria. An estimated 380,000 Nigerians on anti-retrovirals (HIV meds) rely on donor funds to stay alive. If the bill is passed into law, there are fears that health care workers and members of  outreach organizations targeting the LGBT community may also be criminalized and imprisoned. The fear of being persecuted and prosecuted will also deter MSM in Nigeria from being tested and seeking medical care. So, the trickle down effect of this homophobic bill will have a devastating impact on our community.

Hillary Clinton’s Human Rights Day Speech Champions Gay Rights – Watch It!

Black Gay Men’s Blog will be interviewing Nigerian gay activists and Human Rights supporters over the upcoming days and weeks. We will also be telling you guys ways in which you can do to get involved, so please share this and upcoming blog posts, “like” them , tweet them and let us all get behind the LGBT community in Nigeria. Gay and Human Rights activists please feel free to leave comments with suggestions and ways in which we can all get involved. Please note, this blog does not tolerate hateful comments, so don’t even waste your time or mine. My heart bleeds for my brothers and sisters in Nigeria……….

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Original blog post: Fighting Nigeria’s Anti-Gay Bill

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Now that you have watched The Strange Thing About The Johnsons, what are your reactions? Would you feel any better or worse, if it were directed by a black person? Do you think it was a story worth telling? What disturbed you the most about The Strange Thing About The Johnsons?

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CHECK IT OUT ON PAPI CHULO RADIO

Come support us, come support the cause, you never know, you might learn something and be entertained too. As always, appreciate all of our loyal readers here at Black Gay Men’s Blog.

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Original blog post: World AIDS Day Health Show – Tonight at 8pm

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As we all know, today is World AIDS Day and Black Gay Men’s Blog urges black gay and bisexual men and MSM to get tested. There is a lot of power in knowing your HIV status, it can save your life and prevent you from passing the virus on to others, in our already ravaged community. If you are nervous, call a friend and arrange to go together and support one another. There are testing centers all over the country, so there really is no excuse. If you don’t know where the closest center to you is, then you are in luck. Starting from today, to commemorate World AIDS Day, Get Tested ads, from the CDC, will be appearing on Black Gay Men’s Blog. It is a campaign targeting black gay men and MSM, so just enter your zip code and away you go!

Black Gay Men’s Blog would also like to take a moment to remember all the brothers, sisters, friends, partners and loved ones we have lost to the AIDS pandemic. The fight continues, reach out to your friends and loved ones. We all know someone, who is HIV positive. If you happen to test positive this week or in upcoming months, please remember there are people and services available to you. Sharing what you are going through with a friend, professional or volunteer will certainly help. Being HIV positive is no walk in the park, but it is no longer the death sentence it used to be, which is something to be grateful for. However, in order to take advantage of the treatment options available, you have to get tested.  I can’t stress enough how important it is for black gay men to support one another and get involved. Whatever we do, let’s try and stay healthy!

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Original blog post: World AIDS Day – Get Tested and Remembering

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